Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain-Soaked Angel
by Link Worshiper

Chapter 9 -- Lay Me Down

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Heero carried his wilting burden carefully up the stairs towards their apartment door. Duo had been sleeping for most the journey, the aftershocks of the whole mission probably just catching up with him. Leaning the peacefully snoozing American on his shoulder, he balanced between keeping Duo from sliding to the floor in a crumpled heap and letting the weight of Duo’s trench coat and the duffel bag, covered in Preventers logos and stuffed with a few miscellaneous articles of clothing such as Heero’s jacket and Duo’s leathers, plus Heero’s laptop, the baseball and Duo’s radio, of course, carefully packed away amid the soft cloth.

“Duo, just… rest here for a bit,” Heero muttered to the sleeping boy as he laid him on the low to the ground double bed in his room. Flinging Duo’s coat over the back of the wooden chair that sat beside the desk, and dropping the bag to the floor nearby, not even bothering to unpack the clothes inside, quite out of the ordinary for someone like Heero. The nerve-wracked Japanese boy yanked the chair out from under the desk and collapsed down into it, his head crashing forward onto wooden tabletop, eyes sliding closed with fatigue. “You… you really are much quieter when you sleep….” Heero mumbled into his arm as he felt sleep caress his eyelids. As he began to truly tumble into the world of sleep, he could not help but think how much Duo’s silence reflected the a calm that had seemed to be lost to the American and a frightening quiet that reminded Heero far too much of death… and Duo’s death was just something he refused to accept.

He was lost in a dream again, one where he felt the world slip from around him, sending him plummeting from his heavenly position amongst the stars. He found himself wondering why he still felt so empty and removed, even after the mission had been completed and was now no more than a memory of his past. Why this feeling of emptiness…? Wings of long white feathers that had once kept him hovering out there in space were suddenly falling to pieces as he made the plunge down towards heaven knew what, each creamy plume Always true to our dreams from his back the further and further he descended. Squinting his eyes closed, for the first time in his life, truly frightened as to what would befall him, even in this dream world, he pretended that it would not matter what happened to him, like he was the perfect soldier again… even though he knew such a thing was a lie. Perfection had been marred with emotion, and Heero was starting to wonder if it had really been worth living all his life in such a barren existence all these years, never feeling much for anyone until now. Until….

Suddenly, he felt the surge of crashing downwards come to a raging halt. No longer falling and now secured in what felt like a pair of very strong arms, Heero let out a breath of relief, feeling as safe as he ever had in the possession of this unnamed saving god. Won’t have to die, not yet…. Won’t have to be… afraid of dying yet….

He jolted awake, forcing himself upwards into a sitting position. Winding around in the chair, he could see the neon digits glowing 23:42 on the clock beside the bed, setting Duo in a strange reddish glow. The clock had been turned so that it almost directly faced the crumpled shape on the bed, the numbers reflecting in the large amethyst hoped irises of Duo’s eyes as he stared right into the crimson lines dashed upon the clock’s face.

“You’re awake?” Heero said, startled, realizing that Duo’s eyes were wide open, the numbers glowing in scarlet dashes in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Duo whimpered feebly, as if it hurt him to talk.

“Still in pain?” Heero asked, a little alarmed by Duo’s weakened tone. He had not made it seem like he was hurting that much before, even after Heero had realized Duo was covered in darkened bruises, purple enough to match his eyes, and that his ankle was twisted.

“Kind of,” came the hissed reply, brief in words. It was not a cold sort of tone, just forced, as if it truly did hurt for him to talk. And if Duo was having trouble talking, it was safe to say that there was something very, very wrong.

Heero got up from the chair and dropped himself at the foot of the bed, moving Duo’s injured foot into a more comfortable position. “Anything you need me to do?”

“No,” Duo half groaned, half whined, his voice muffled by the pillows he buried his porcelain face in. He was silent, little whimpering noises barely audible from the depths of the soft cushions Duo was near smothering himself with. Then he said in that weakened sounding voice, “Yes.”

“What?” Heero’s voice, though still unwavering from that one baritone note, was not unkind, if anything, imploring.

“Radio,” Duo whispered.

Heero smiled faintly, ready to comply to his barely mobile friend’s wish, and got up, making his way over to the duffel where he had packed the little transistor radio. He laid his laptop upon the desk and pulled out the radio and the baseball, bringing both over to the bed. Setting the radio down beside the clock, he settled himself on the edge of the mattress, gingerly turning the baseball over in his hands. “Aren’t you going to turn it on?” he asked Duo, who still seemed entranced by the red numbers shining on the clock.

“No, it’s… okay,” Duo answered, turning slightly so one large jeweled eye was now watching Heero. “I know my music pisses you off. It’s fine if it’s just there. Just seeing it helps me to think about stuff.”

“You’d rather talk about what’s on your mind with an inanimate object than share it with me,” Heero pretended to sound hurt, though the almost playful light in his eyes and the smirk on his face sort of blew his cover.

A pillow came flying over Duo’s body, nailing Heero in the shoulder as it whipped by so quickly, it took a second for him to realize what had happened. “Aw shut it, Hee-chan! You know that’s not true at all.” For a moment, it almost sounded like a completely unhurt typically bouncy and oozing with cheer Duo.

“Guess you’re not so bad off that you can’t abuse me,” Heero said with a light chuckle.

He felt a very tight grip wrap around his stray wrist, ripping the support out from beneath him and jerking him down onto the bed beside the prostrate Duo. He could feel Duo’s warm body nearly pressed against his back and the American’s ragged breath fanning gently on the back of his neck, toying with the mahogany chunks of hair that fell over his nape. Between each soft mouthful of air, Duo managed to say, before trailing off and nearly dropping into another nap, “Guess not but….”

“But?” Heero tried to roll over on his back, but the sparse area between the edge of the bed and Duo’s body allowed him little room to do so. Not only that, but the way Duo had his arm pinned above his head would not have allowed for a very comfortable shift in positions either. “Duo?”

“I’m still awake, Hee-chan,” he murmured, his breath now so hot against Heero’s skin that he could swear that Duo had actually inched closer to him in those past brief seconds.

“Aa,” Heero was able to make a sound of agreement, once again lost for words.

A short silence ensued between them, as so frequently it seemed to when there was nothing to say, or when each boy was lost in his own individual thoughts. Heero found his mind wandering to thoughts of the strange peace he felt when so near Duo, and even though they were not speaking to each other with words, there seemed to still be a mutual feeling of understanding and communication between them. Duo, meanwhile, was wrapped up in his own revelries, drinking in the subtle bliss of having the most beloved person in his entire life so close by.

“Hee-chan?”

“Aa?” He made that sound again, this time begging for Duo to speak instead of finishing off his words.

“Don’t leave me,” came the feeble whisper. “Don’t ever leave me alone.”

“Duo, what are you talking about?” Heero finally managed to free himself of Duo’s tight hold and rolled himself onto his back, half hanging off the side of the mattress, there was so little space. Flinging his far arm behind his head, the other sandwiched between their two bodies, Heero said, “Duo, when you say you won’t leave me, take it that I won’t leave you either. I… I would never abandon someone I….” Heero turned his head to look at Duo, who was still sprawled on his stomach, half his face buried in the downy pillow, one large unblinking plum toned eye watching him with the most intense curiosity. The way Duo brought his hand over top of Heero’s seemed to be all the reassurance he needed, and he said no more, realizing that Duo understood.

“Goodnight, Duo,” Heero said quietly, beginning to push himself up into a sitting position. “I’ll just be asleep in your room. I hope you feel better in the morning.” He was about to slide off the bed, when he realized that Duo had grabbed his hand once more. “Duo…?”

“Don’t… leave me,” Duo choked back a tiny sob, his long fingers wrapping tightly around the bottom of Heero’s hand. Heero followed the line of his arm, down to the hand that Duo had locked in his unrelenting grasp. He could not help but notice the way Duo’s fingers were so slender and perfect, like a china doll’s hand that could break with the slightest touch. He had never realized what a delicate creature Duo was, also noting for the first time how dainty his wrists were, despite the faint scars that still cuffed them, or how slim his arms were, almost feminine. He really was quite a wiry boy, with a long neck and narrow hips, his outlandishly beautiful eyes and wide plush lipped mouth making his face almost elfin in appearance. “Don’t go… please, Hee-chan,” he said again, dragging Heero from his trance. “Can’t you hold me, like you used to? Just this once, please?”

It was getting harder and harder for Heero to resist those pleading eyes of Duo’s. This time, he almost felt himself seem to go weak at the knees and collapse right back on top of him, those huge wine coloured eyes almost intoxicating as they danced in the darkness, casting a light of their own. He felt this sharp pang run through him, almost as if the soldier’s instincts in him were still trying to pull him away from affection, despite how close he had come to Duo over the years. “Duo, it’s… it would be strange to do that now… for both of us.”

“Please,” he was still begging, tugging desperately on Heero’s hand like a small child.

Heero could see the frightened lost little boy screaming for some love behind those strange eyes. No matter how cheerful Duo acts, Heero was beginning to realize for the first time, he’s just as afraid as I am.

“At least kiss me goodnight then, if you won’t stay,” Duo’s fingers loosened his surprisingly strong grip on Heero’s wrist. “Like Sister Helen used to, when I couldn’t sleep. She’d say, ‘Duo, there’s no need for you to cry. The hurt will go away tomorrow.’ And then she’d kiss me, right here,” Duo laid a pair of fingers on his forehead, still lost in his memory. “Then she’d tuck me in and it would actually seem like everything really would be okay.” He looked up at Heero again, his mind returned to the present moment. “So can you make everything okay, Heero?”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Heero sighed wistfully. He was about to slowly make his way back to the desk and at least sit there until Duo went back to sleep when he saw those childish eyes watching him sadly, and at that, he could not refuse his friend’s wish. “But I can surely try,” he amended, leaning over and planting a chaste kiss on Duo’s brow.

Duo let his eyes fall closed as he took in the feeling of Heero’s mouth pressed against his skin. It may have been only a friendly gesture, but Duo found himself lost in the feeling of having Heero so close. It really was crazy of him to even hope that Heero might fall in love with him the way he had with him, but Duo had never been one to give up on crazy dreams. Putting pain after passion, his fingers slowly crept over the blankets to where Heero had planted his hands on the edge of the mattress, covering the tense knuckles with his gentle touch. He could have sworn he almost felt Heero weaken a bit at the elbows as he did so. Suddenly, he decided not to care, and that if he had always banked everything on chance, it would be a wretched time to stop. Before Heero could even register what had happened, Duo had flung one arm around his neck, his other hand creeping beneath Heero’s chin as he wrenched the Japanese boy upon the bed, sending him lolling all over him. Once more, Duo found himself with his mouth frantically driven against Heero’s; pouring out that desperate hope Heero might understand his love. He soon found himself waged against Heero in a match for dominance of the kiss, much to Duo’s shock, as the two boys wrestled over the tangled sheets, each taking his turn at pinning the other and forcing down with his tongue and lips in a reckless mêlée for supremacy over the other.

“Hee-chan,” Duo purred in a soft voice against the corner of Heero’s mouth as he pulled away for a moment before being mercilessly thrown onto his back again, Heero atop him once more, their tongues battling once more in another fiery kiss.

At long last, though the time seemed quite fleeting to Duo, Heero yielded and pulled away. Even in the dark, the piercing whites of his eyes conflicted against the now subdued tones that swam in his Prussian eyes as he slinked off the bed, his gaze never leaving the heavily breathing American stretched out on his bed. “Goodnight, Duo,” he said quietly as he rose to his feet, smoothing his tussled shirt and his pants, which had become sloppy during the brief moment of passion. It had felt so right, almost too right, throwing reason away to the wind. He remembered something Duo had said once, a long time ago, something that went along the lines: The very essence of love is uncertainty. That’s what makes it love.

“I still…. Goodnight Heero,” Duo finally gave up on trying to get Heero to watch over him all night. What do I have to worry about? He’ll be right over in the next room so if I need… I… I….

“Duo?” Heero was standing in the open door, the pale light from the kitchenette spilling over his shoulders into the darkened bedroom. “Duo, are you sure you aren’t in any pain? Because if you are….”

Duo considered lying about it for a brief moment, only to drop the idea as soon as it came to mind. “It doesn’t really hurt… not anymore,” he said with a sheepish grin. It was probably one of the truest things he had ever said in his life. “Not on the outside anyway.”

Heero narrowed his eyes as he hung there in the doorframe, his suspicion that Duo was trying to hide something from him shooting like arrows from a crossbow across the room. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?” Duo cocked his head slightly to one side as Heero swept back into the room and gave him a little nudge, as if to tell him to roll over.

“Pretend like you’re okay when you’re practically dying on the inside,” Heero explained as he fell on the bed beside Duo. Reaching over the space between their two bodies, he pulled Duo close in an embrace reminiscent of those times back in school, during the war, when Heero would comfort Duo on his nights of unrest. “It’s not something I like to see, my God of Death upset, that is. Makes me feel like the universe is out of balance or something.”

“Oh but it already is,” Duo protested, cuddling as close as was physically possible to Heero’s body. He gripped Heero’s shirt it tight fists as if he knew that Heero’s holding him had some sort of catch. “It’s not like you do any better. Doesn’t take an idiot to notice how hard you try to hide your heart. I think it’s a godforsaken miracle that you haven’t bloodied your lips, you’re biting them so damn hard all the time, you know?”

“So it’s duly noted, then,” Heero commented blandly, though Duo could sense the attempted warmth behind the words, something that made Duo almost want to shed tears of joy. “I’m afraid, Duo.”

“Of what? We’ve completed our mission,” Duo said, letting his eyes slid closed as he took in Heero’s heavy scent, noticing how perfectly he seemed to mold against the other boy’s finely muscled frame. “So there shouldn’t be anything to be scared of anymore. You should be able to sleep well now, Hee-chan.”

“That’s not the kind of thing that scares me,” his words fell out between husky breaths that fanned out over the top of Duo’s head, tossing the loose strands of hair that had fallen free of his braid across the pillows.

“Are you still afraid of my friendship… my… love?” Duo ventured tentatively, almost afraid of what Heero would say in response. There was the faint warmth of a now familiar reddish colour rushing to his cheeks as Heero did nothing but hold him closer in place of words, whispering some comforting form of a goodnight into the mess of Duo’s loosening hair. Duo found himself falling asleep feeling as if there were never any other place for him that could be more perfect than here in these arms.

It happened that way for quite some time, Heero sleeping nearby Duo, often in the same bed, as the American boy’s injuries slowly started to heal. While his eventual recovery was a great thing, considering that it would allow Duo some more movement (because quite frankly, the restraints of not being able to be all over the place for someone as lively as Duo could prove to be quite a problem), Duo could feel nothing but a small air of sorrow, knowing that he would miss Heero allowing him to cuddle all night long. He often found himself curled up against Heero’s side in the middle of the night, wondering if the boy sleeping beside him felt more for him than he let on. The fact that Heero was willing to enfold Duo once more in that possessive grip that the American boy was sure had been forgotten with the war was enough to let Duo’s mind wander with the possibilities. So it’s probably not true, he would always end up reasoning before nodding back off, but it sure is nice to dream that it might be….

It all could not be avoided, of course. Soon Duo was able to walk on his foot once more and he no longer had that ripping pain undulating through his body whenever he tried to move. Heero helped Duo move all the things that had managed to migrate to Heero’s room over the course of the past few weeks back to their rightful owner’s ruinous domain and next thing Duo knew, everything had been shot right back to the way it always had been; short dark and silent slaving away on his laptop in his darkened bedroom whilst Duo tried his hardest to be noticed. It was like nothing had ever happened. Duo could almost see every deep conversation the two had ever had not only during their time working on ASTROPHYLL, but throughout their entire lives together, seeping down the drains to be washed far downstream with the rain.

He wished he could be back on Earth again, even if it were just for a moment, so he could taste the rain once more and be reminded of the kisses he had captured from Heero’s mouth. Then, he decided, I can die happy, because I don’t think that I will ever get much closer to Heero. I came so close to cracking that hard shell of his pride, and I thought I might actually have a chance to make him understand but… it seems like the tides have washed it all away again, just when I was about to succeed….

-O-

The apartment was virtually screaming with the silence it bore, despite the fact that its two occupants had since returned to living there as they used to before their mission flew up. In the dark of his room, Heero had hidden himself away with his laptop, barely daring to come out for even meals. Duo was not even home either, and still, Heero found himself holed up in that dark bedroom, working like mad on his computer, the only light he had seen in quite some time being the machine’s dim glow that basked his features in pale white streaks. As far as official mission reports and other data that had to be thrown together, Heero had nothing left to do. In fact, he had been wasting away just upgrading and running system checks on his machine for nearly a day and a half now. Since Duo had healed up enough to get around on his own, Heero had gone to hide, crawling back further into the underground caverns of his emotions.

Kneading his forehead with his sweat covered palms, Heero milled through his thought for what seemed the thousandth time that day. So he let me sleep with him again, he reflected, his mind at a wicked state of mental unrest as memories of past nights during the OZ days leapt back into his contemplations. It meant nothing then; why should it be any different now? He slammed his head downwards against the table in frustration, so aggravated by the sudden stream of confusion, (a sense which Heero certainly was not used to experiencing), that he barely noticed the slim bruise that began to form above his eyebrows where flesh had made contact with the edge of the desk. It was just a comfort, no more than an escape back then, when we’d sleep in each other’s arms. That’s all… that’s all it… is…. He let the mantra swell through his head, trying hard to force the sentiment into reality, though he was beginning to realize that it was far from true.

Absently, his hand snaked to the bowl of ripe green grapes that sat beside his laptop, grabbing a few in his nervous grip as he fumbled to get them to his mouth, eyes never leaving the enticing shine of his computer screen. I can’t… I can’t love him….

“Emotion has no place here!” he said out loud to the computer, his grape-free hand tracing the Preventers logo that adorned his desktop screen.

“Still thinking like a soldier, even after all the danger’s over, I guess,” Duo voice penetrated the silence.

Heero had been so involved with beating his anti-romance ideas into his head, that he had not even heard Duo walk into the apartment, much less into his room. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Duo leaning in the doorframe of the bedroom, arms crossed over his chest and one leg hanging over the other, the corona effect of the light blasting in from behind him making Duo look like he was standing in a halo. All Heero could make out were the whites of Duo’s innocent looking eyes watching him from the room’s doorway like a cat that was sizing up its prey. “I thought you were going to be out late at D’s tonight.”

“I was,” Duo answered as he stepped into the room, closing the door gently behind him as he began to pad quietly over towards the desk in his bare feet, “but everyone thought I still looked a wreck. Manager told me that I could just ease myself back into things at my own pace, no need to rush. I was still going to hang out longer, but the whole gang literally forced me home. So here I am.”

“Oh,” was all Heero could answer as he quickly turned away from the approaching form in the dark. If he had spoken any more than that one syllable, he was sure Duo would have been able to detect the tinge of delight that Duo would be able to keep him company again. No matter what sorts of lies Heero had been feeding himself, he was beginning to realize how lonely he was without Duo around, even more so after this last mission than ever before.

“I’m really not that bad off anymore,” Duo was saying as he pawed around Heero’s chair, resting one sensuously leather-clad hip against the edge of the desk and leaning most of his weight on the fingerless gloved hand that he laid upon the wooden tabletop. “I don’t know why everyone was making such a big fuss over me. I always could mend well, you know?”

“Yeah,” Heero choked out, still staring intently at his screen, refusing to even give Duo a remote glance. One look had tended to send Heero reeling into a myriad of strange thoughts and feelings that he felt it would be simpler to just ignore. This soldier, who had merely laughed the idea of dying away to the wind, was running scared from the love of his best friend.

“’Specially when I have someone who takes care of me so well,” Duo practically purred with a little smile spread across his pale coral lips. Had there been more light in the room, or had Heero actually bothered to give Duo the tiniest upward stare, he would have seen Duo’s dark red tongue slip between his teeth and moisten his lower lip.

Heero froze as Duo said those last words, those mischievous little doubts about just how much he cared for the braided American going wild with wolf whistles and war whoops between his ears. Slowly, he resumed typing, the warmth that had swallowed his flesh beginning to ebb away. Soon his fingers were flying quickly as they had been a moment before, one hand stopping only long enough to grope for the grape bowl once again. Lucky for Heero there was such poor lighting in the room, the computer’s backlit glow and the colony’s meager nighttime simulation mingled with the ruddiness of the streetlamps below hardly enough to illuminate the fierce red flush that had washed over Heero’s cheeks. A brief memory of Duo kissing the hollow of his neck back when they were in school together, during those old OZ days when they were naught but tormented soldiers, suddenly attacked his senses. He remembered feeling almost inebriated and reassured at the same time by the American’s affectionate little touches.

“So what’cha up to?” Duo asked, turning so that he was resting all his weight on both hands now, each planted firmly on the side of the table as he leaned over to try and get a glance at Heero’s computer, pretty little ass stuck out in his leisurely posture. He had noticed how jittery Heero had been as of late, and he was not quite sure if it was something he had done or otherwise that had made his Japanese love so tense. He had seen Heero get somewhat nerve wracked after missions in the past, so Duo just pinned it all on that without another thought, not even considering what else could possibly be running along Heero’s thoughts.

“Finishing up some extra dossier work,” Heero found his words jumping out quicker than he could even think them in the longest sentence he had spoken to Duo in nearly a day. “Nothing that exciting really. Maybe you should go fix dinner or something.”

“Already ate,” Duo grinned, the saliva on his lips from his incessant licking glittering in the wretched light. Watching Heero make another dive into the bowl of grapes he went on to say, “But that doesn’t mean that I can’t still be hungry. Share the wealth, buddy!”

Heero nearly bit his tongue in surprise as he popped one of the small round juice filled orbs into his mouth when he noticed Duo sliding over the tabletop, unknowingly stretching himself out in a very suggestive sort of position as he reached for the grapes, his head cradled in the crook of one arm as he plucked a few from the stem. The ex Wing pilot found his eyes flicking up over the top of the screen at the curve of Duo’s hips so finely accentuated by the tight leather of his pants.

“Mmm, good stuff,” Duo was drooling as he stole the entire bunch for himself, hanging the cluster of grapes over his head as he pulled each green marble fruit from the stem with his teeth and a good deal of tongue. Not that Duo was working very hard at making himself scream sex, but with the way Heero’s mind had been toying with him for the past few weeks, plus the added knowledge of how much Duo cared, only seemed to prove to Heero that there just might be some deeper feelings than just friendship drifting around for the chestnut haired demon that lay on his desk. When that realization surged through Heero’s mind, he found himself unable to tear himself away from the bit of Duo’s tongue as he gently tugged the fruits into his mouth with his teeth and the way his ripped tight red shirt seemed to hug his slimly muscled torso, his eyes unable to look away from the whitish tan flesh that peeked out from the shirt’s tears.

Duo laid the grapes back into the bowl, a few still in his hand as he took to catching them in his mouth, each fruit captured deftly on his tongue with every toss like the whole process were the simplest most natural thing in the world. Heero, finding his snack back in reachable territory, absently went to grab another handful of the pretty wine tasting berries.

“Duo,” Heero said suddenly, his hands hesitating once more. The fingers stopped dancing over the keyboard and his other hand twiddled a lone grape between his fingers nervously. “Have you ever lied to me? I know you always say that you don’t but, have you ever lied?”

Duo drummed his fingers on the tabletop, his upper arm winding forward, the grape pressed between their two palms as he took the hand into his. “Lie? What reason do I have to lie? I would never lie, least of all to you.”

“So you wouldn’t just be telling me things in an effort to make me talk,” Heero was not quite sure as to what he was trying to get out of this sudden question, but the urge had come to his head, and he had been to wrapped up in other thoughts to quiet the impulse, another action that was quite alien to the perfect soldier, one who usually thrived on discipline. At Duo’s perplexed expression, Heero tried to clarify. “I mean, the things you tell me, it’s because you mean them, right? You don’t want anything from me?”

“My love is no lie,” Duo reprimanded, gripping Heero’s hand tighter, threatening to squish the grape between the flats of their hands. “Love doesn’t need anything in return, Heero. That’s why… that’s why it’s okay if you don’t love me back, so long as you will allow me to love you. And that’s all I want.”

“No strings? No loopholes?” Heero was trying to see what Duo’s expression was in the dark, but finding his vision strangely clouded as Duo laced their fingers together. “You don’t need anything from me?”

“Believe what you want to believe, but that’s the truth,” Duo said sincerely, the grape finally exploding in their grip as he clasped Heero’s hand even tighter than before. Gingerly, Duo dragged Heero’s hand across the desktop to his mouth, proceeding to gently lick the grape’s sticky carcass from Heero’s fingers, the action drawing Heero from his chair and forcing him to lean a bit over the wooden expanse. Between gentle licks, Duo kept speaking in his softened purr. “Love with strings attached isn’t love. Love, real love anyway, is selfless and overthrows life and even death. I love you just for you, nothing less. I really don’t care if you understand or not, but….” He found his voice trailing off into the night, the rest of his sentence lingering with ambiguity as he returned to gently kissing Heero’s hand, occasionally drawing his fingers into his mouth an sucking gently as he fell into the lazy verses of a song.

“Our love is like water,
Pinned down and abused for being strange.
Our love is no other,
Than me alone for me all day.
Our love is like water,
Pinned down and abused….
Hey!

“All over you, all over me.
The sun, the fields, the sky.
I’ve often tried to hold,
The sea, the sun, the fields, the tide.
Pay me now.
Lay me down.
Oh yeah.”

A quick glance from beneath his elfin eyelashes revealed a surprisingly unresisting Heero, who’s eyes were half closed and lips parted just enough to suggest that he might be enjoying Duo’s worship of his hand. Even the slow way he withdrew his fingers from Duo’s gentle grip was enough to suggest that he had found pleasure in the moment. Suggestion fell into confirmation when Heero’s hand traced its way back over the desktop, another grape pressed between his index and middle fingers, offering the ripe emerald berry to Duo’s half open mouth. Once more, Duo took to inhaling each of Heero’s fingers as he guided the grape into his mouth, turning the fruit over his tongue as he went back to his butterfly kisses, singing between each gentle lick.

“Our love is like water,
Pinned down and abused for being strange.
Our love is no other,
Than me alone for me all day.
Our love is like angels,
Pinned down and abused….”

After a moment’s pause, feeling strangely muddled by the bullets of subtle contentment shooting up his arm, Heero spoke again, cutting off Duo’s almost seductive singing, his voice sounding both confused and enlightened at the same time. “Duo,” Heero suddenly reached back and slammed down the laptop’s screen, his eyes sparking even though the main source of light in the room had been cut off. He suddenly had this desire to be kissed by Duo again, just to prove to the warring emotions inside who indeed was the victor. Heero said his name again, his voice dropping into an almost lust filled growl. “Duo.”

“Hee-chan?” Duo looked up, his teeth clenched around the middle of the grape Heero had just fed him, the look on his face dictating how bemused he was by Heero’s sudden change in temperament.

“Duo, I have to know,” he sounded almost pathetic with the begging tones laced in his voice. “I have to know for sure what I feel.”

“You’ve discovered that you can feel, then,” he said softly, propping himself up on his elbow, hips shifting in a tantalizing way with the clatter of chains and metal studs.

“I have to know if it’s what I….” he was whispering so softly that even Duo could not make out his mumbles, the rest of the Japanese pilot’s words were lost to the night as he paced around the desk to where Duo’s booted feet hung over the edge of the oak desktop. Crawling up onto the desk as well, positioning himself in such a way that he was holding himself above Duo on all fours, his lips barely inches from the other boy’s grape juice slathered mouth as he continued to speak in a low husky voice, his breath feathering out over Duo’s reddened and rapidly warming face. “I have to know if you’re what I… what I want….”

“Well I know what I want,” Duo said with a breath heaved upwards in a puff of warm air that broke over Heero’s face as he brought his gangly arms up to wind them around Heero’s slender neck. “What I want is you.”

“Still?” Heero could not help but ask, his heart fearing for a moment that Duo would take back his feelings the next time he spoke. He was so petrified by the idea of someone actually caring for him as Duo did, but he was even more afraid of the fact that he might actually love Duo in return. Worse than that still was the feeling that, after a while, Duo really would just give up on him and walk out of his life, nevermind how tenacious the braided idiot could be, leaving him all alone. “How could you…?”

Duo silenced him with a light kiss as he murmured against Heero’s trembling lower lip, “I don’t know. It’s a mystery.”

“Too many old movies,” Heero said with a soft chuckle as he somewhat clumsily re adhered his mouth to Duo’s. “Too much talking,” he managed to get out before Duo yanked him closer than he already was, (if that were physically possible) to crush their lips together again. Heero found himself letting out a little moan as Duo started to roll his tongue against Heero’s slightly ajar mouth, delving against the hot skin with little probing licks, finding to his satisfaction that Heero was actually kissing him back this time, with passion.

“Is this what you want?” Duo whispered into Heero’s mouth as he paused to take a tiny breath before bruising Heero’s lips with another fierce kiss.

“Will you just shut up?” Heero said in a tone that could have been mistaken for a snarl had Duo not known him as well as he did. His lips fell upon Duo’s jaw and neck as he muttered a feeble explanation for his sudden forwardness against Duo’s delicious skin, “I… uh… still haven’t decided.”

“You really are a rotten liar,” Duo giggled against Heero’s cheek before rolling his head back a bit to allow Heero more flesh to kiss. “Always were, probably always will…. Heero….”

“What?” Heero pulled himself up, finding those demonic little voices in his head swearing at him profusely (in a vast selection of languages to boot) for drawing away from the haunting beauty beneath him.

“Oh well, whatever, nevermind,” Duo shook it off, his hair tumbling looser as he made the movement with his head. His braid was starting to fall out of its thick brown twist, the individual brown pleats of chestnut hair spilling over the side of the desk, nearly tracing patterns on the floor.

“Hn,” Heero made his ever-useful response to Duo’s evasiveness as he sat up straight, his legs still flung out on either side of Duo’s slim waist.

“What are you doing? Kiss me again you idiot!” Duo smiled widely as he grabbed Heero’s green shirt, dragging him back down on top of him. Heero found himself entangled in Duo’s long arms and lost in the sweetness of Duo’s kiss. His attentions were no different than they ever had been, but this time, when Heero felt Duo so close, there seemed to be something else. Something that felt so much a part of him, he could swear it had been in his soul for quite a long time. Whether or not this something was an emotion, or Duo’s essence, the bond they shared, Heero was not quite sure. Perhaps it was even a blend of both. No matter, it felt more and more right with each touch.

“That’s enough, for now,” Heero said softly into Duo’s ear, giving the tender lobe a tiny nibble, curiously tasting the honeyed flavour that seemed to be drizzled wherever Heero’s lips explored. He removed himself from atop the desk and Duo’s body, returning to his wooden chair that sat in front of the neglected laptop.

He was just lifting the monitor up, his other finger reaching for the power switch when he was suddenly shocked by the drowsy Duo who sat bolt right up on the desk and banged the computer closed with an almost invisible flash of his quick hand. Heero, even with his stellar reflexes, barely had time to rip his hand from the keyboard before Duo smashed the screen down again. “Heero, I….”

“Nani?” Heero questioned, his confusion at Duo’s sudden actions forcing him to subconsciously take cover behind his native language.

“I… Heero, listen,” Duo shook his head, his hair threatening to fall completely over his face, the chestnut torrent still weaved into only about a third of the braid. He crawled over the desk, pushing the laptop out of the way as he took its spot, his legs dangling on either side of Heero’s chair as he reached forward to place a hand on each of his shoulders. “Heero, sometimes, things are only beautiful if you love them enough.”

“Duo….” Heero looked up at his longhaired friend, his own calloused hands inadvertently creeping to a rest atop the slim ones that lay upon his shoulders.

“But you know,” there was a small tear in the corner of Duo’s eye that he tried to wipe away without Heero noticing as he bent forward, leaning his forehead against the other boy’s, “sometimes things are so beautiful, you love them too much.”

Heero lifted a finger to Duo’s eye to wipe away the droplets of salty water forming upon those thick lashes, distorting his jewel-like eyes with their glassy wetness. “Don’t cry, Duo. Why are you crying?”

“I can’t help it, Hee-chan,” he started to sob, rubbing noses with the Japanese pilot sitting before him. “I love you too much. More than too much.”

“Why? How?” Heero asked for what seemed to be the millionth time in all the years spent together as Duo slid off the desk and deposited himself into Heero’s lap.

“You know that I could never find the words to tell you, or even begin to explain,” Duo said, sucking back his sobs bravely, determined not to allow Heero Yuy see him cry. “Could you ever find the words to explain how you feel? You never could before, and now, neither can I.”

“Maybe you don’t always… need words,” Heero reflected quietly, his fingers playing across Duo’s bony knuckles. “It should just be that sudden… spark…. Like a phoenix or something from the ashes.”

“My poetical obsession rubbing off on you, Hee-chan?” Duo said with a tiny smile, weak and still dripping with that regret, nevertheless simple and truly a genuine Duo grin.

“You were irritating at times, loud and brash. Everything I couldn’t stand in a person,” Heero said in an equally soft and gentle voice. “But you nevertheless always seemed so optimistic, no matter how much it killed you on the inside. You always tried to make everything alright for everyone else.” He grinned faintly in the darkness. “My only love sprung from my only hate.”

“Come again?” Duo could have sworn he had just died and gone to heaven. Had Heero just said that he loved him? More specifically, had Heero just quoted Shakespeare?

“I….” he trailed off as he reached up to wrap his arms around Duo’s slender neck. He lovingly pulled Duo downwards, and soon found his lips against Duo’s once again. These kisses were beginning to become something that Heero would not be able to live without, the taste of Duo like an addiction or drug. Duo was pressing against him, his legs hooked around the back legs of the chair, hands still pressed clingingly into Heero’s shoulders as he leaned into a loving kiss from the one person he never dreamed he would.

Reaching back for a grape, his mouth still crushed against Heero’s wanting lips, Duo whispered, “Yeah Heero? You what?” He slid the grape between his lips, turning it over his mouth with his quite talented tongue before he swooped down upon Heero for what seemed the zillionth time, unable to really get enough as he let the grape roll into Heero’s mouth as he gently pried the perfect soldier’s lips open with said gifted tongue.

Chewing the fruit thoughtfully as Heero reclined back in the chair, Duo leaning forward as he did as so their chests could stay against each other. Heero almost seemed to melt beneath Duo’s body as they just stayed like that for a few moments that seemed to last an eternity and at the same time, rush by in milliseconds. “Duo….”

“Shh,” Duo breathed into Heero’s ear, hushing him with his heavy breaths. “You don’t have to say anything. I know.”

“Do you?” Heero whispered into the darkness.

“Of course I do, Hee-chan,” Duo murmured against Heero’s shoulder. “What do you take me for? An idiot?”

“Quite frankly, yes,” Heero said sardonically. He could feel Duo quaking with laughter as Heero said that. That beautiful little smile crept to Heero’s lips again, happy that these moments could please Duo so. Then a thought crept across his mind. Though he had meant to keep it to himself, he found that his mouth was moving anyway, his conscience barely aware of the words as he spoke them. “Duo, if you know, then how is it that I don’t?”

Duo rubbed his forehead against Heero’s neck affectionately. “I think you know as well. You’re just afraid to admit it.”

“Duo?”

“Uh huh?”

“Could you….” Heero could feel himself faltering with the words, feeling awkward and unsure of how to go about asking Duo what he was about to. After a war of battles and death that failed to waver the perfect soldier, Heero had never felt as afraid as he did right then. “Could you show me? Help me be able to admit it. I don’t want this uncertainty.”

“No? Well, love, I don’t want that either,” He could feel Duo laying kisses upon the juncture of his neck and shoulders, his warm lips sliding down his collarbone to kiss the hollow at the base of his throat. Slowly Duo rose, padding around the chair as softly as one in combat boots and creaky leather could as he examined each detail about the Japanese boy’s appearance, details which Duo had memorized and knew by heart. He let his arms fall in an embrace around Heero’s neck and shoulders, burying his face into the mess of his love’s hair. “What shall I show you?”

“A-anything you want,” Heero practically gasped as Duo continued to whisper in his low bedroom voice. There was something about the way Duo spoke that seemed to bring out a wealth of suppressed primal hormones in Heero.

“Oh anything, eh?” Duo sincerely liked where this was heading. He decided a round of good old teasing never hurt a soul, and being an expert on such practices, Duo figured it would be as good a time as any to exercise his skill. “Anything can mean a lot of things, Heero. What kind of anything do you want?”

“Anything to do with you!” Heero found himself moaning as the loose encasement of Duo’s arms slid lower around his body, soon wrapped around his waist in a loving embrace.

“Me?” Duo purred, his cat-like growls starting to make Heero wish that he could free himself of the bondage of Duo’s arms and jump the American boy right there on the floor. “Hmm, me…. What could we do with me?”

He could no longer deal with it. Ripping Duo’s fingers apart, with one fluid motion, Heero had flown from the chair to a kneeling position before Duo on the floor, staring the other boy right in the eyes. Their lips were inches apart, eyes drunk with the sight of each other. Heero had never in his life felt like he could not live without this need for Duo, but the realization that a life without Duo was just about as good as suicide was beginning to make itself more and more prominent in the head of the perfect soldier.

“What are you thinking about, Heero?” Duo asked suddenly, his eyes seeming to liquefy into pools of dark purple coloured wine.

Heero chose to keep his silence, not wanting to admit to Dup the strange feelings for him stirring inside for fear it would make him seem weak. He settled for collapsing forward into Duo’s lap, his arms falling around Duo’s slim waist as he pressed his cheek against the muscled stomach beneath the red shirt.

“Heero?” Duo laced his fingers in the sloppy jumble of hair that fell over Heero’s face. “Say something? Please, tell me what you’re thinking.”

“No words,” Heero mumbled into the ripped crimson shirt, his lips accidentally brushing flesh as he spoke. “I don’t have the words….”

“Of course you have the words,” Duo chided softly. “There are always words. It’s just being able to say them. Are you brave enough to talk to me Heero Yuy?”

“No,” he breathed. Duo could feel Heero tensing up in his arms, curling up in a fetal position, arms still clamped tight ‘round his waist. “I can kill, I’m an ace pilot, math wizard, computer genius but I… I’m afraid of letting people know how I feel.”

“You know, Heero, it takes so much pain away when you open up,” Duo said, his hand running up and down Heero’s spine gently, as if to console the now shaking boy in his arms. “There are a lot of things I always wanted to do, you know? I know a few of ‘em were a bit farfetched and fantastic but you know what I always wanted most? You know what I always wished for, one every falling star I ever saw?”

Even in his silence, Heero spoke volumes. The light nuzzling against his stomach seemed to Duo to be Heero’s way of urging him to go on.

“I wanted to be with you,” Duo finished with a little nod to himself as if to affirm it. “I had a lot of trouble trying to figure out what the void in my life was. I never really noticed at first, how I always seemed so empty whenever we weren’t together, nevermind how rotten you can treat me at times. But you know, after a bit, I started to notice how much more complete you made me feel. Admitting it all to myself was easy enough, but goddamn Hee-chan, do you know how hard it was for me to admit my love to you out loud? Do you know how long it was gnawing away inside?”

“Gnawing?”

“Yeah, gnawing. More like tearing,” Duo nodded again, pulling Heero up so that the Japanese boy’s head rested upon his shoulder. Duo cuddled his head against Heero’s cheek as he continued. “I felt so much release when I finally got the courage to say it. Does that make me braver than you, Heero?”

“Much more so,” Heero breathed against Duo’s neck, his breath now hot and seemed almost lust-filled. Duo closed his eyes, taking in that feeling, one he swore he would never forget. “You’re a hell of a lot braver than me. Everyone I know is.”

“God, you know I hate liars, Heero Yuy, and it seems you’ve made a nasty habit of it,” Duo chastised in a very innocent and playful manner. “Do I need to be a freaking clairvoyant to figure you out? So cut the crap, stop victimizing yourself and tell me what the fuck is going on in that head of yours!”

Heero paused, unsure of how to even begin to address Duo’s request. At last he managed to stutter a few words he hoped conveyed his present state of mind. “Confusion, unrest, loneliness, unhappiness, regret….”

“Is all you can come up with sad words like those?” Duo asked, his voice sounding worried that Heero might actually be a hell of a lot more depressed than he ever let on. “What about serenity or joyful? Are you really so sad?”

“I dunno,” was the automatic whispered reply, so hushed and quiet it seemed as if Heero were trying to keep it a secret even from himself. “I guess I want to be happy. Err, Duo…?”

“Yep?”

“Promise to keep a secret?”

“Cross my heart, hope to die,” Duo said with a little laugh, ruffling Heero’s hair affectionately. It was so rare when Heero was willing to open up like this that Duo would damn well promise to sprout wings and fly to the moon if it meant that Heero would talk to him like a normal human being.

“You make me happy.”

Duo let out a series of short disbelieving breathes as his eyes wandered to the ceiling that hung shrouded in the darkness above as he crushed Heero closer to him without even realizing just how tightly he was pressing the Japanese boy to him until he felt Heero let out a tiny whimper for air. Releasing him with a rushed “Sorry Heero,” Duo went back to trying to regulate his suddenly erratic breathing.

“S’okay,” was all Heero was able to mumble, his face buried into Duo’s stomach once more. “I’m the one who ‘ought to be sorry, for saying something so stupid.”

Duo jerked Heero to his feet and pushed him to the bed, sitting him forcefully down, the slender American’s surprisingly strong pair of hands forcing him down into the mattress. Bending forward so he was staring Heero straight in the eye as he spoke, piercing violet locked in a battle against defensive Prussian. “Don’t you ever say that admitting your feelings is stupid!”

“But it sounded so….”

“Who the hell cares how it sounded? Not me!” Duo was near yelling at Heero, his obvious stand on the issue very apparent to Heero in the way he spoke. He could not quite recall another time that Duo had spoken to him in such a way that demanded such command. There was something in the way Duo held him in place like that, something about the way his eyes seemed to flicker a thousand different shades of purple as he spoke, as if a violet fire were set alight in those crystalline hoops, that seemed to say to Heero that this was not something he could brush off as lightly as other ‘Duo-isms’, as Quatre had once affectionately coined Duo’s endless monologues. “Heero Yuy, if your heart tells you to do it, then by golly, do it. And if your heart wants to say it, then say it. Even if you don’t think that anyone is going to care, you should always say what you’re feeling. It’s bad enough to lie out loud, but way worse when you start lying to yourself. Don’t ever lie to yourself.”

“Too bad I’ve been lying to myself for God knows how long,” Heero answered, his almost unreadable glare fixated on Duo’s dancing eyes, shining from beneath his thick eyelashes. “How does the truth sound, Duo?”

“Hmm, dunno exactly. But it feels like this,” Duo said after a moment of thought, leaning forward to nip Heero’s neck with his lips. Another kiss fell upon his jaw, slowly meandering back to his lips. “Or like this,” Duo mumbled in his mellifluous low voice against Heero’s mouth before kissing him hard again, the passion practically bruising Heero’s lips into bloody ribbons. Heero could do nothing but melt into Duo’s kiss, his body and his mind working in sync for once, telling him that this was ever so right. “My love is truth, Hee-chan.”

Heero could only nod dumbly in response, his mouth still way too preoccupied with Duo’s to even try to minister a reply of any kind.

“You’re always creeping around in my head, Hee-chan, with that damn smirk on your face,” Duo murmured as he finally pulled away once again, cradling Heero’s lax form in his arms, his head buried under Heero’s chin. “I always felt like you would be the death of me, you know? It’s weird to think that at the same time, I always prayed you’d be my saving grace.”

“Everything about you is such a paradox,” Heero commented into Duo’s shoulder, his voice soft and muffled by the warm red fabric. “Would your love be a paradox too?”

“I think I told you this before,” Duo said with that knowing smile of his, “but when you love someone so much it hurts, there’s only room for more love. That’s the only paradox my love has. I have only more love!”

“Is that what this pain in my chest is?” Heero asked, his hand fluttering over his heart.

Duo’s hand found its way to rest upon Heero’s knuckles, his other hand guiding Heero’s other hand to lie upon his heart. “You feel that?”

“Uh huh.”

Duo smiled as he kissed Heero again, pushing the Japanese boy backwards onto the bed. His hands slid from Heero’s breast to the mattress, planting themselves firmly above Heero’s head as he dragged himself further up the bed, Heero’s lips following his as if they were adhered to his with glue. Duo could feel his skin tingling with excitement as Heero’s arms crept up around his neck, crushing their kiss even closer together. Once again engaged in that old war for supremacy over the other, they battled each other upon the mattress, rolling atop one another, taking turns pinning each other beneath a searing kiss. It was Duo who ended up the victor of this skirmish however; Heero was left pinioned beneath the braided boy above him, who now reared up with a playful little growl, his legs straddling the Japanese boy’s slim waist as he pulled the restrained Heero’s shirt from the confines of his jeans, toying with the green hem and mischievously pondering aloud what he was going to do with his captive.

“Hmm, now what shall we do with my new plaything?” he purred like a great tiger as he shook his head about seductively, letting his hair fall completely free of the braid. Heero had never seen this aggressive side to Duo, and he had to admit, he was entranced by the way the little kitten had transformed in mere seconds to a growling jungle cat. “Little Heero said he wanted to play with me? What could we do then, hmm?”

“Teach me,” Heero managed to gasp before he gripped Duo’s collar in a tight fist and yanked him back down atop him. The way Duo’s slender body almost seemed to mold against Heero’s like a warm blanket against his flesh, the pair of bodies seeming to drown in the sea of the American boy’s waves of chestnut hair, crashing around them in luscious torrents.

Duo’s tongue was curling around Heero’s ear, exploring and savoring as if it were all some dreadfully realistic and cruel wet dream that he would be torn away from at daybreak. He let a heavy breath fall over Heero’s ear, clouding over the Prussian eyed pilot’s cheek in a veil of spicy warm air as he whispered in a sultry voice, “Teach you what, Hee-chan?”

“Teach me,” he stifled a low groan as Duo gently rotated his hips against Heero, a sly grin painted in the darkness upon Duo’s delicate face. As the American slowly began to grind harder and more wantonly against Heero’s slightly quivering body, the young stoic pilot murmured up to him, reaching up to wipe the tiny remnants of his tears away from his Duo’s makeup painted eyes, “Teach me, please, how to love, Duo.”

“Well now, little Hee-chan,” Duo was speaking in that low purr again, still whispering tantalizingly into Heero’s ear. “That’s a very open-ended request. Any fool could teach you the physical aspects of love but it’s another thing to teach the emotion love.”

“Oh,” Heero sounded almost dejected at Duo’s answer.

“But to tell you the plain and simple truth,” Duo went on in his needlessly suggestive bedroom voice, set a tone that was near driving Heero mad, “I think you know plenty well what love is, and you don’t need me to do any more explaining. Think I’ve covered pretty much everything I know about the feeling codenamed ‘love.’” He chuckled, his whimsical laugh like a wind chime stirring on a dark gloomy day.

“Understanding would mean that I could recite it to you in words,” Heero said tautly as he melted beneath Duo’s almost sinfully sexy form. “I have no idea how to even begin to explain what I feel.”

“Ah, that’s it,” he said softly against Heero’s ear, the feeling of his warm coral lips fluttering against the sensitive cartilage as he spoke sending heated shivers down Heero’s spine. A hot lick that traced its way over the top of his ear and swung around to fall upon his cheek with the added sensation of those same enticing rosy lips before he spoke again. “That’s what love feels like. It’s just blossoming inside, waiting to be nurtured. It’ll make you want to just forget everything and sail into a beautiful oblivion where nothing else matters except love.”

“God Maxwe-Duo,” Heero heaved against the lithe body that held him clamped to the bed as he went on with his little play kisses. “How do you know so much more about me than I do?”

“Not that hard,” Duo shrugged as his mouth fell upon the place where Heero’s shoulders rounded up into his slender neck. “It’s written all over your face.”

“Written? What?” Heero sounded confused, his instincts slowly starting to pervade over rational thought as he turned his head to the side to allow Duo’s desirable lips more access to his neck, cushioning his cheek in the plush pillows piled beneath them. His hands were slowly snaking up Duo’s arms, his fingers tracing every tiny detail of his longhaired god’s build as they made their way to a resting place upon the bony rise of his shoulder blades.

“I’m sure you’d know exactly what I mean if you bothered to take a damn good look at yourself,” Duo was saying, though his words were almost intelligible between his breathy kisses. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? Do you even know what the hell it is that makes you so wonderful?”

“No.”

“Well neither do I,” Duo answered as one hand slid up Heero’s slim torso, caressing the hard muscles that were so tensed beneath his love’s blushing skin. “But if you figure it out, you gotta tell me. You’re such a mystery, even if I’ve spent a good part of my pathetic existence trying to figure you out.”

“Ah, Duo,” Heero pressed his head back into the mound of pillows as he felt Duo’s lips begin a seductive journey along the path his fingers had just traced. “You know me better than anyone ever bothered to know me; better than I ever bothered to let anyone know. Didn’t matter how much I tried to hide behind the mask. You were always able to leave me open.”

“Love’ll make you weak like that,” Duo buried his nose into the slight curve where Heero’s narrow hips melted into his slender muscled torso. “Fair warning and all.”

Heero smirked at Duo’s wry sense of humour, trying his best not to laugh out loud. Suddenly, he felt Duo thrust himself hard against his body, once again pressed atop him and pushing him hard downwards into the luxurious mattress of Heero’s bed, whispering into his clavicle. “Hmm, Heero, my little Hee-chan, please, let me show you how to love anyway. I want to….”

Heero sucked in a breath, understanding what Duo was requesting and finding that he wanted nothing more than to be one with the braided boy, the one person in the world who seemed to understand and love Heero for who he was. Duo did not care about his flaws or his mistakes and was only able to love every detail about Heero Yuy. “Duo….”

“I want to show you how beautiful love is, Hee-chan,” Duo let his large violet eyes shine in the darkness upon the dull brilliance of Heero’s Prussian ones as he spoke, the expression washed upon his face saying more than his words ever could.

It all seemed so right to Heero. It was about then that the perfect soldier threw discipline out the window, for the birds, and tightened his arms about Duo’s shoulders, wrenching the surprised American boy on his back, tresses of chocolate silk rustling out in undulating ripples through the shadowed room as the longhaired boy was tossed over. Driving Duo’s head back into the soft pillows with a ferocious kiss that was passion soaked enough to bruise those pale lips, Heero let out a heavy gasp as his roommate ripped the green cotton from around Heero’s body, throwing the scraps of what was once his tank top over the side of the bed. Heero watched with fascinated eyes as the remains of his shirt fluttered to the floor, his body realizing for the first time how close Duo was to him. Duo reached up to let his slender fingers affectionately slide around Heero’s cheek. Gently kissing the pale knuckles of Duo’s hand, Heero said in a low bedroom kind of voice, “Show me, Duo, how to love.”

And years later, Heero still felt the smile that shone up at him through the darkness right then was the most amazing and inviting smile he had ever seen carved on a human face, a smile that would chase away all his pain, no matter how hard the rain came down.


Tangled in a maze of limbs and rivers chestnut flavored hair, the two lovers lay pressed as close to each other as physically possible. Their lovemaking had been sweet, it had been wild, and it had lasted a good portion of the blissful night. Now the faint glow of the dimly lit nighttime colony spilled into the window of Heero’s bedroom, drenching a lithe pale body entwined in the possessive arms of another with mussed dark hair.

Heero laid a small kiss on Duo’s temple and rocked him back and forth in his arms as he muttered something softly into Duo’s elfin ear. “Ai shiteru, Duo.”

Duo slowly found himself tumbling to his waking life slowly, his eyes opening leisurely as his senses began to kick in again. He could feel Heero’s arms tightening around him, could still taste his lover on his tongue, smell his scent clinging to the air and his skin, hear his breathing in the early hours of the morning. Eyes focusing once again, he found himself staring groggily into a pair of wintry Prussian eyes, warmed over with the spring of a new world. “Heero,” he murmured sleepily, shifting around a bit in the tight encasement of Heero’s unrelenting grip.

Heero said nothing, just smiled, knowing how much Duo liked to see that as he let one hand fall away from his lover’s body to brush some long strands of beautiful spun chestnut from his porcelain face. Duo rolled over on his back, throwing an arm behind his head, the other resting on his chest, rising and falling with every breath. Heero, unwilling to be separated from Duo, even for a moment, adjusted his position so that he was somewhat sprawled on top of Duo’s chest and could keep his one arm around his love’s neck, the other absently stroking chocolate hued hair from his face.

Duo spoke at length, his voice lazy and erotically drowsy. “Hmm, Heero, who’d have thought that Death could humble the perfect soldier? Never thought I’d live to see perfection beg for Death like you did.” A wicked smile crossed Duo lips.

With a gentle smile, he flicked Duo’s nose affectionately, “Heh, I had no idea that Death could feel so good.”

Duo chuckled quietly at that, cuddling closer to Heero and his comforting warmth.

“Heero?” Duo said suddenly after a few long moments of blissful silence that seemed to rush by like seconds.

Heero’s fingers stopped sailing through Duo’s hair, falling upon his cheek tenderly. “What is it Duo?”

Duo smiled, his face the very picture of tranquil happiness. Shaking his head slightly, he admonished himself. “Aw, nevermind, Hee-chan. It’s silly.”

“No, tell me,” Heero urged, pressing his lips against Duo’s other cheek. He had grown to love the sound of Duo’s voice, and no matter what the longhaired American had to say, no matter how unimportant or small, Heero liked to listen, just for the sheer sake of hearing that voice.

“Aw, I was just wondering if you ever looked at the moon,” Duo said wistfully. Then his question melted into his many-toned laughter, shaking as he did so. “I’m sorry Heero, that was stupid. I just… always wondered, that’s all.”

“Wondered what?”

“If you ever looked at the moon,” Duo said again. He laid a hand atop Heero’s, rolling himself closer, their naked chests pressing against each other, hair rolling down his back in a glistening chestnut brown river, as Duo went on rambling whatever was on his mind. “It’s just, well, when I first met you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I liked to lay and watch the moon when me ‘n’ the Sweepers were out at sea. After I met you, one night, while I was stargazing, wondering how long I’d get to see the moon like that from Earth, I couldn’t help but think of you, and if you ever liked to do the same. I mean, it sounds silly, but I had taken a lot of comfort in the fact that if you looked up at the moon, well, we’d still be looking at the same moon, no matter where you were. I really missed you when we weren’t together, Hee-chan.”

“The moon,” Heero murmured as he closed his eyes, trying hard to remember the few times he had seen it hanging like a silver pendant in Earth’s night skies as opposed to the barren graveyard it seemed to be when floating nearby in a battle wracked Gundam. “Yeah, sometimes I’d look at it. Ah, but during the war, it was just… there. Now when I see the moon, I think more about its beauty, and how it felt to fly there and escape.”

“Really?”

“Uh huh,” Heero nodded sleepily. “But I don’t need to escape anymore. There’s nothing I have to run away from anymore.”

“Yeah?” Duo was intrigued. It was so rare that Heero opened up like this and to hear him talking so freely was like music to his ears. Much like Heero liked the sound of Duo’s voice, so Duo liked the way Heero sounded when he spoke. The way his voice was so low and somewhat monotone and nasal, never wavering except in moments like these, when emotion began to surge through his normally systematic thought patterns.

“I got you,” he answered sincerely, burying his forehead in the crook of Duo’s neck. “I don’t have any emotions to hide from anymore. They’re all out there in the light, thanks to you my little Shinigami.”

“You’re such a sap,” Duo said in a playful tone, ruffling Heero’s messy long bangs affectionately. For once, Heero did not seem to be irritated by the action and actually smiled as Duo went on playing with his hair. “You don’t like to admit it, but you’re a grade A, drippy, romantic sap.”

“I learned from a master,” Heero jokingly stuck his tongue out at his lover, which earned him a sloppy kiss on the forehead. A contented sounding laugh rang from Heero’s slightly parted lips before he sat up and slid from beneath the slightly dampened sheets, his warm feet hitting the cold floor with a quiet thud.

“Hey, where’re you goin’, Hee-chan?” Duo’s voice was suddenly wrought with worry and paranoia, a voice laughing in the back of his head that he would have allowed himself to be used so easily.

“I have to go out,” he said plainly as he pulled a pair of tight blue jeans from a drawer and slid into them deftly before throwing a new tee shirt over his head.

“So that’s it then?” Duo said, collapsing back onto the bed, his eyes staring blankly at the blackness above. “It’s just sex and then run?”

Heero had made it to the other side of the room by this time, standing in the dim outline of the doorframe as he looked at Duo with a vacant expression masking his true emotions. When Duo’s eyes fell upon Heero, the Japanese boy looked away, almost as if he were ashamed to look Duo in the eye.

“Are you that humiliated by me?” Duo was trying hard to smile, thankful that the lack of light in the room concealed the tears beginning to well in his eyes. “You can’t even look at me?”

“It’s no that at all Duo,” Heero was trying to say, regretting his abrupt movements from the bed. It had nothing really to do with their night, simply that Heero had to get up for work early. So perhaps he was rising a few hours than he would have normally, but he needed an excuse to be on his own so he could think. He just needed time to gather his thoughts and organize in his mind just exactly what his feelings for his friend were. “I… I just need to….”

“Go on then,” Duo made a little shooing motion with his hand, his head now turned to face the open window on the opposite wall of the room. “Have your quiet thoughtful moment. I won’t bug you.”

“You understand Duo?” Heero was bewildered that Duo seemed so able to empathize with the tumult in his heart, despite the way his American lover kept his face hidden in the shadows as if he were afraid for Heero to look upon his face and see his true heart.

“Sure,” came the almost distant reply. The saddened American tried hard not to wince as he heard Heero pad towards the door and slip into his sneakers in the little front vestibule. Squinting his eyes shut was the best way for him to avert tears as the apartment door slammed shut behind him. Maybe he really is confused… but I just feel like I was used. Why do I feel like this?

His fingers lay upon the slight depression in the mattress where he and Heero had lain, knotted in each other’s arms in their lovemaking, the spot still warm with his body heat and his pillow still laced with his musky scent.

And why is that I can’t be mad at him? Why do I… still love him anyway, no matter what he does to my heart?


Heero leaned his head against the steering wheel of his car, mired in his own thoughts. He had not driven anywhere, simply climbed into the driver’s seat, not even bothering to start the engine. He no longer had the heart to go off on his way anymore. What have I done? I fucking made love to him and then walked out. Did I… break his heart by doing that?

Looking up at the three arched windows above, the three that peered into their living room he could see Duo’s outline crouched in the windowsill, watching him. He noticed he had pulled on a pair of dark blue boxer shorts, his hair sloppily pulled back in a messy ponytail as if he had practically dragged himself from the bedroom to his new spot. And all that time, he had not taken his eyes of Heero once.

“Shi-it!” he screamed into the silent night air. A few birds were startled from their sleep and fluttered from beneath the gutter along the top of the building in shock. Heero watched them go, the somewhat chubby doves soaring away towards the metallic colony roof in a shower of down and feathers. Free and forgotten, the birds tumbled on their way, without a care in the world as to what anyone else thought of them, able to be whatever they wanted to be and go wherever they wanted to go. Through bleary eyes, he watched a pair of oval teardrops splatter on the bottom of the wheel, the first tears he had cried out of remorse in heaven knew how long. “I love him. I really do…. The braided baka made me fall in love with him!”

“The braided baka did what?” Duo’s voice chirped up with the sound of the passenger door of the car opening and slamming shut.

Heero whirled around to stare at Duo, who had somehow managed to slink from the window to the car in perfect silence. Then again, what else could be expected from everyone’s favourite Shinigami? “Duo! Demo….” He slipped into a low grouse of Japanese, incoherent and meshed together as if his sentences were just one great long word.

He shrugged, trying hard to look innocent as if he had not heard anything that Heero had said to himself. “But what? Stop muttering in Japanese. I’m kind of rusty and it’s hard to figure out what you’re talking about with you rattling on at sixty words a second. Hey come on! You’re making my mouth look bad!”

Heero looked up from his tightly clenched fists, staring out down the street ahead of him. Then he slowly turned his gaze to fall upon the sweetly smiling boy beside him. Duo put a reassuring hand on Heero’s shoulder and patted him affectionately. Slowly, Heero’s palm slid from the steering wheel to rest upon Duo’s knuckles, his fingers tightening around Duo’s as if to comfort both of them.

“S-suteki da ne, Duo?” Heero managed to smile weakly. Shyly, he pulled Duo’s hand to his mouth and laid a gentle kiss upon his knuckles. Then he bent forward and pressed his lips against Duo’s in a softly, giving Duo the most gentle and sweet kiss he had ever received in his entire short existence. “Ai shiteru.”

“Oh Hee-chan!” Duo practically leapt out of his seat to fling himself into Heero’s arms. He had not caught the first bit, but if there was anything he remembered how to say in his lover’s native tongue, it was ‘I love you.’

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