Catholic Schoolboys Rule! Title: Catholic Schoolboys Rule! Author: Link Worshiper
Pairings: 1=2, 3=4, mentions of others
Stuff: AU, pokes at religious institution, fluff/sap, angst, lemon topping and a bit of drag XD
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise, Bandai and a lot of other people who aren't me. +5 skill points if you guess the title reference.

Filling a request for Rainya, because she feeds my geek needs. Thanks to Natea for the once-over.

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I.

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"And finally, here are your room keys. You'll -be saying on the third floor in the RA's suite," said Lucrezia Noin, the dean of academics at Saint Magdalena's Academy. She slid a pair of envelopes across her desk towards the two boys sitting on the other side of it. Each one was dressed in the school uniform of a different prep school and bore a duffel bag. "We're pleased that your respective schools were able to take part in our exchange program this year, and I hope both of you enjoy your stay here."

"Thank you, ma'am," said the blond boy on the right with a polite nod of his head. He wore the powder blue uniform of a prestigious preparatory school in one of the La Grange colony clusters and had flown all the way to Earth to study abroad at Saint Magdalena's. "I'm sure I'll love it. I've always wanted to see places beyond L4."

The boy sitting to his left in the dark maroon uniform silently reached for his key and wordlessly dropped it into his jacket pocket. His school colours hailed from the most famous lunar academy in the ESUN, where his grandfather was one of the professors. Then, standing up, he picked up the travel bag lying next to his chair and asked, "Is that all, ma'am?"

"No, not just yet. One moment, please," she said, also rising from her seat, walking into the hall just outside her office for a moment. The boy in the maroon uniform let out a disgruntled sigh as he plopped back into his chair, tossing his bag haphazardly aside as he sulked. He hated this introductory bullshit.

Moments later, Noin returned, a tall boy dressed in the Saint Magdalena's uniform not far behind. His cinnamon brown hair was cut military short in the back, but his bangs were still long and masked half his face. A silver stud glinted on one earlobe. "This is Trowa Barton," Noin introduced him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "He'll be giving you the grand tour and helping you two to settle in." She paused for a second, as if thinking, and then added, "The rest of your luggage?"

"My trunks should be delivered from the spaceport this evening," said the blonde, while the other boy simply held up his duffel and then nodded at the suitcase sitting by the door.

"Alright, well, just leave the things you have here and someone will bring them to your room," said Noin, reaching out to take the duffels from the two exchange students. She shouldered the bags and then started to usher the trio of students out the door, saying, "Well, carry on. I'll see you three later."

Moments later, the three students were standing alone in the quiet, empty hallway. "Well, like Noin said, I'm Trowa," said their tall tour guide, rising up on his toes and then rocking back on his heels, " and welcome to Saint Magdalena's, the happiest hellhole on the planet." Despite the sarcasm, his voice was kind, and he carried an air of grace about him that offset his more aloof mannerisms. He produced a thrice folded piece of paper from the inside pocket of his dark green blazer and opened it, scanning it quickly. Then his eyes flicked up and settled on the blonde as he said, "Judging from your uniform, you must be Quatre Winner."

"Yeah, that's me," Quatre assented with an enthusiastic nod as he continued to absorb his surroundings. The architecture was very archaic, with many arches and thinly carved stone walls. The hallway they were standing in was a bit on the dark side, paneled with heavy wood and dimly illuminated with a series of wrought iron lanterns. The floor beneath their rubber soles was sandstone.

Trowa nodded, and then consulted his paper again before turning to the other boy. "Which would make you Heero Yuy, right?" he said, meeting the boy's steely blue glare dead on.

"Yes," he attested plainly.

"You sure sound excited to be here," Trowa said humourlessly as he folded the paper and returned it to the pocket inside his uniform jacket.

"If it were up to me, I'd be on L3 right now," Heero said succinctly, jamming his hands into his pockets.

Trowa waved off the commented with a backwards toss of one hand as he turned and started leading them down the hall. "Take it from me, you're not missing much on L3," he said before thoughtfully adding, "The racing circuit, maybe, but that's seasonal."

Heero didn't say anything else and just followed Trowa sullenly with hunched shoulders, but Quatre was quick to pick up where he left off. "You've been to L3?" he asked, brimming with interest.

"Born and raised," Trowa said, raising one hand and grinning at the blonde, thankful that at least one of his wards was friendly.

"That's awesome," Quatre breathed, clearly entranced by this piece of information. "I've never been off-colony before this - my dad isn't exactly the most lenient person and it was a miracle I convinced him to let me come here. I've always wanted to see all of the ESUN, though."

"I've done a bit of traveling with my family. People are all the same no matter where you go, though," Trowa shrugged, leading them down a short flight of stairs and through a heavy wooden door, which opened onto an open ambulatory that cut across a small courtyard sitting on the crest of the campus's highest hill. He guided them through one of the ornate archways to stand by the sundial in the middle of the courtyard, which was supported by a carved statue of the Christ. It was the perfect vantage point to see most of the campus, and even a good portion of the town that surrounded it. Many gardens and big trees covered the grounds, and all of the buildings were Gothic in architecture and made of stone, giving it the atmosphere of a monastery.

Quatre whistled as he lifted a hand to shield his eyes from the bright sun overhead. Having lived in space all his life, he wasn't used to the brilliance of natural sunshine or the feel of wind in his hair. He was sure he liked it immediately, though.

"Basic run down of the place," Trowa said, using one hand to gesture to various locations, starting with the building at the other end of the ambulatory. "That covered walkway behind us leads to the East Wing, where the mess hall, the main chapel and the guys' dorms are," he said. "The building we just left is the West Wing, where the school's offices and most of the classrooms are." Pointing down the hill that rolled down from their current spot, he indicated the cluster of buildings there. "That one up on the stony ridge is the girl's dorm, and then there's the auditorium, the gym - the pool's behind that - and then that cluster of houses is the rectory and living space for the staff and teachers and stuff who live here also. That new building on the left is the art complex." His hand dropped to his side as he turned his head towards Quatre, who was still awe-struck by the environment. "Confused yet?"

Quatre just shook his head hopelessly. "On L4, everything is a lot more compact," he said simply.

"And a lot more fake," Heero added, still not sounding particularly enthused.

"Because the moon is much better," Trowa interjected glibly, already moving around the sundial and back towards the ambulatory in the direction of the East Wing. Quatre was keeping in step with him.

"I hate the moon," Heero muttered under his breath as he followed the other two inside.

The East Wing had the same sort of dark, arched hallways the other one did. The cafeteria was immediately on their left as they entered the building, and Trowa dutifully pointed it out as they passed by, briefly explaining mealtime protocol. "If you have first lunch, it's not so bad," he told them, still mostly addressing Quatre. "After that, it's every man for himself - and then slim pickings."

The doors to the chapel were at the end of the corridor just before it deviated towards the boys' dorms. "Hey, Duo," Trowa greeted the boy sulking on one of the benches flanking the heavy, wooden doors. "Detention again?"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Trowa!" the boy startled angrily, a loop of red rosary beads quivering in the fist he shook at the other student. "Didn't anyone around here ever teach you not to interrupt a guy when he's trying to fucking count? I'll be pissed as all hell if I have to start the fuck over."

"Detention, then," Trowa announced, mostly for the benefit of the two exchange students. "What's the damage this time?"

"Mother Superior heard me calling Dorothy a skanky ho and then went off on me for being out of uniform during school hours. So now I've gotten stuck with two decades of fucking Hail Marys." The teen leaned against the wall, twirling the rosary beads around his index finger as he spoke. His uniform green blazer was nowhere in sight, and he wore only the brown vest that was supposed to go under it unbuttoned. His oxford shirt was also undone at the collar, and his tie hung loosely around his neck. His khaki pant legs were rolled up to the middle of his calves, revealing a pair of powder blue flip flops on his bare feet; about five or six string anklets in various colours hung around one ankle. Messy sienna bangs fell over his eyes, but the rest of his shockingly long hair was combed back into a neat braid that hung over one of his shoulders and trailed across one thigh.

"You've done worse," Trowa said with a shrug.

"No shit," Duo groused, whipping the beads around his finger one final time before snatching them into his fist. "If I'm going to get stuck wasting my afternoon like this, I at least want to have the satisfaction of doing something worth the trouble."

"I understand," Trowa nodded sympathetically.

"Yeah, whatever," Duo said with a roll of his eyes. He was busy weaving the prayer beads through his fingers, now, pausing only briefly to regard Heero and then Quatre. "Who are they?" he wanted to know.

"Exchange students," said Trowa, gesturing to each of them as he introduced the pair. "Quatre is from the L4 Cathedral School, and Heero is coming from Saint Anthony's Lunar Academy."

Duo didn't seem very impressed. "You were in space and you came down to this fucking rock of a planet?" He made a sound of disgust in the back of his throat; "You've got to be kidding me. Are you insane?"

"Duo's been talking about going space-side for as long as I've known him," Trowa explained to the other two, who were both staring at him with confusion written on their faces.

"You just downplay it 'cause you've been there," Duo grumbled morosely. He shook his head and then made a series of shooing motions, his rosary beads jangling loudly around his fingers. "Just get outta here and let me finish this shit so I can take a nap before dinner."

"Well, we'll leave you to your ways," he then said, starting to usher Heero and Quatre towards the dormitories. Glancing over his shoulder as they started to walk away, he added, "Oh, and start up again on seven - it's God's number."

"Fuck you, Trowa Barton!" Duo called after them before deteriorating into a grumbled Ave Maria that echoed strangely in the empty hallway.

"Who was that?" Quatre asked as they started to climb the stairs to the dormitories on the floors above.

"My roommate, actually," answered Trowa. "Smart guy - on the honour roll and the boxing team and stuff - but damn if he has a nose for trouble." He laughed at that as if the mere mention of it stirred up a plethora of entertaining memories.

For the first time, Heero felt compelled to partake in the conversation. "He's a boxer?" he asked, sounding mildly interested.

"The premier fighter on our team," said Trowa, bursting with a bit of school pride. "The administration lets him keep it up because they think it's a good outlet for his so-called rage."

"Are sports very popular here, then?" asked Quatre. "At my school, we don't have the grounds to really have a good athletic department."

"We're not raking in any titles, if that's what you mean, but we do decently," Trowa told him as they reached the top of the stairwell. "Still, joining a team or a club is a good idea. It's a great way to meet a lot of people with a common interest quickly."

"What do you play?" Quatre asked as Trowa led them through the eggshell white dormitory halls. Lined up like jail cells, the doors were made of heavy oak and slightly pointed at the top with big, brass doorknobs. A crucifix hung to the left of each one.

"I row crew," answered Trowa as he stopped in front of a door at the end of the hall and knocked on it. "It's a lot of hard work, but I like it. Is there something you're particularly interested in?"

"Do you have a fencing squad?" Surprisingly, it was Heero who asked the question.

"Wufei - he's the RA you're living with - is big into fencing, so you're in luck," Trowa said, addressing him a bit warily. There was something mysterious and almost unsettling about the serious boy from the moon. "He's absolutely in love with it - always trying to recruit more people into it."

As Trowa was speaking, the door was suddenly wrenched open by a short Chinese teen with slicked back hair and fierce eyes. He wore a blue muscle shirt and white sweatpants, a pair of black slippers on his feet. He looked Trowa up and down and then peered around the tour guide's lanky body to get a look at his new roommates. "Come in," he said simply after he'd given them a quick once-over.

The suite wasn't huge, but it was decent enough for three students. They stood in the common area, which branched off into a tiny, basic kitchenette. In addition to the two beds that were presumably set up for Heero and Quatre, there was a table in chairs in the middle of the room, as well as comfortable, worn sofa against one wall. An ajar door on the other side of the room peeked into a smaller room, which was obviously Wufei's bedroom. The ceiling was inclined with the slant of the building's pointed roof and was cast in shadow; the light shining through the window and radiating from the lamp on the table didn't really do much to illuminate the place, making it seem almost drab.

"The bathroom is next door on the right," Wufei started off with. "There's showers and sinks and two bathtubs - but I don't recommend using those." He stood next to one of the chairs around the table, regally resting one hand on its rounded top.

"Duo's the only one I know who does," Trowa piped up from his spot on the sofa, where he was slouched lazily. "And that was only for a quick fuck before evening prayers."

Quatre seemed a little offset by Trowa's blunt announcement and Heero didn't seem to care either way. Wufei cleared his throat and reiterated with a hint of impatience, "As I said, I do not recommend using the bathtubs." He was hasty to move on from that particular train of thought. "The first bell tolls at 7:00AM, and you're expected to be in the chapel for morning prayers. Do not expect me to be your personal alarm clock if you can't motivate yourself that early, though. Classes begin at 8:00AM and continue until 4:30PM. Evening prayers are after dinner at 7:00PM."

"You make it sound like it's prison," Quatre said, feeling a bit intimidated by Wufei's very regimented mannerisms. It reminded him a lot of the way his father ran both his business and his family.

"More or less, it is," Trowa supplied from the couch. He smirked, adding, "Especially when you're living with Wufei. He let's his RA duties get to his head sometimes."

"No one asked you to be here, Barton," Wufei snapped frostily, and Trowa merely held up both his hands in silent defeat, He turned to Heero and Quatre again. "I have a very particular way I like things to be kept in my living space, and I'd appreciate you adhering to it. I'm sure we can work out some kind of arrangement to accommodate all three of us comfortably." As he got to the end of his sentence, he shot a fierce glare at Trowa, as if he was simply daring him to make another remark.

Trowa got up, shaking his head. He offered a stiff goodbye to Heero and a significantly more sincere 'I'll see you later' to Quatre before letting himself out of the dormitory. Heero moved to pick up his duffel and suitcase, which were waiting by the couch, and then dumped them onto the cot nearest the door, claiming it as his. Quatre didn't seem to have any complaints about taking the other one.

Wufei seemed like he wanted to break the ice a little but was completely unsure of how to go about it, so Quatre took up the reins. "Where do you come from, Wufei?" he asked his new roommate, genuinely interested despite the seeming blandness of the query. He could feel Heero glaring at the side of his face, but he didn't let it unnerve him.

Wufei was now sitting at the table, his fingertips idly pressing along the grain of the wood. He certainly still possessed that composed presence, but there was something more subdued about him now. "I'm earth-born," he said simply, "but most of my family hails from L5." He didn't seem particularly enthused to delve into much more detail than that, though.

"So many people from all over," breathed Quatre, whose entire goal on this exchange trip was to connect with the world outside of L4. More specifically, he was determined to realize a life outside of his father's scope of reality.

"Noin told me you were from the colonies," Wufei said to Quatre, gently prodding the conversation away from himself. His shining black eyes, flecked with the glow of the lamp on the table, darted over towards Heero as he said, "And you're a lunar brat."

Heero curled his lip into an expression of obvious distaste. "Not by choice," he said succinctly.

"Are you military?" Wufei wanted to know but quickly swallowed any follow-up when Heero narrowed his eyes at him, those stern blue eyes glinting fiercely in the ill-lighted room. Wufei wasn't the sort to be intimidated easily at all, but there was definitely something a bit offsetting about Heero Yuy, and he wasn't sure he quite liked the prospect of having to live with that discomfort for the next few months. "Nevermind," he said. "Clean up so we can grab dinner before evening prayers."

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Duo Maxwell was sprawled on his bed when Trowa returned to the small dorm room they shared after evening prayers, which Duo had dutifully skipped out on. Since they were just normal resident students, their living quarters weren't nearly as spacious as Wufei's, hardly more than a room with a pair of beds, a dresser and a table. But despite the fact that they didn't have nearly as many amenities as Wufei did, they had managed to make the room as cozy as possible with posters and personal knickknacks. Trowa's half of the room was decorated with a neat series of Degas ballerinas, and Duo's half was wallpapered with posters that ranged from classic rock to grunge, from metal to punk.

Snapping up and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, Duo's stormy eyes tracked his roommate as he crossed the room and sat down at the table. It wasn't until Trowa had been sitting there for a few moments that he even acknowledged the angry stare Duo had glued to the side of his face. His eyes widened slightly as he shrugged in confusion.

"You know exactly what you did, you bastard," said Duo, his tone making it hard to discern if he was being sarcastic or not. He didn't even let Trowa get a word in edgewise before he starting railing on. "You just had to come and parade that fucking gorgeous exchange student in front of me while I was trying to finish up my detention, didn't you. You did, you asshole."

Trowa let out a derisive chuckle. "Hey, not my fault. I was just giving them the grand tour," he said, rocking back on the hind two legs of his chair. "Maybe you should think twice before you do something stupid next time."

"Yeah, and maybe you should think twice before introducing hot pieces of boy ass to the resident queer while he's pretending to be pious," Duo shot back, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes dangerously at Trowa.

The front legs of Trowa's chair landed on the wood floor with a sharp bang. "Duo, you're not the only gay guy here; you always forget that I'm gay too." He shook his head, scratching the back of his neck as he geared himself up for an age-old debate.

"Yeah, but no one except me really knows that," Duo wrote off with a backwards wave of one hand. "You don't get recommended to counseling sessions or forced to weekly confessions for your so-called 'problems'." He made air quotes around that last word.

"Well," said Trowa, sounding almost amused at the way this conversation was going, "perhaps it's because I'm a bit more discreet about it."

"Discreet? I'm discreet!" Duo snorted. "It's not like I wear a sign around my neck that says, 'I fuck guys!'"

"You might as well!" Trowa started unpacking his backpack, which was lying underneath the table by his chair, so he could start up on his homework. "Duo, your libido is notorious among the males around here - and not even just on campus!" he said as he removed a spiral notebook and a copy of Dante's Purgatory. "Unlike you, I don't have the urge to drag every guy I see to the bathroom for a quickie. If someone wants it in the ass, who's the first person the turn to? Not me, that's for damn sure." He reached for the pencil tin they kept in the middle of the table, removing a highlighter and a pen as he cracked the book open to the ninth canto.

Duo threw himself back onto his bed, sulking moodily at the Smashing Pumpkins poster tacked directly over his bed. "Yeah, well, it still doesn't change the fact I kept thinking about the smoldering stare that Japanese-looking one had for the next twenty minutes." He spread his arms and legs across the bed, beating the back of his head into his pillow as he said, "I think I got a fucking hard-on saying to goddamn Ave Maria. There's just something not quite right about that."

"There's something not quite right about you, Duo," Trowa retorted with a grin as he highlighted a few words in the poem. "But that's not something all the Hail Marys in the world are going to be able to fix."

"Yeah, I know, Tro," Duo said snidely, finally collapsing flat onto the mattress. "I've been going through the motions of that goddamn prayer since I was five, and I'm still gay, my dad's still a righteous asshole and my mom is still dead. And I'm still here! Go figure!" He let out a very loud and obnoxious sigh that gurgled in his throat.

"Maybe you're doing it wrong," said Trowa, his eyes still focused on the book. He rubbed one eye tiredly, thinking that he would have rather been reading about hell.

Duo threw an arm over his eyes and groaned. "I learned from a pastor; I think I'm doing it right," said Duo flatly as he propped himself up on his elbows, his features still twisted unhappily. "Goddamn, I wanna fuck," he bemoaned piteously, throwing himself over onto his stomach. His long braid of hair tumbled off the side of the low bed and landed on the floor with a loud thunk.

"Don't look at me." Trowa pulled the cap of his highlighter off with his teeth and held it between his jaws as he brightened another line in the text. 'Upon my forehead, he traced seven P's with his sword's point and said: "When you have entered, take care to wash away these wounds."'

"Ugh, no way," said Duo, his words muffled in his pillow and half his vision made blurry by the soft cotton. "I don't need to go fucking things up with the only ally I have around here. Never do your roomie - that's rule number one."

Pressing the top back onto his highlighter, Trowa glanced up from his book to arch an amused eyebrow at Duo. "But everyone else is fair game, is that it?" He shook his head hopelessly. "Your life is one, great, big mortal sin - that's your problem."

"Yeah, well, my dick sure as hell ain't complaining," Duo retorted, sitting up and dangling his legs over the edge of his bed again. With a forward jerk, he leapt gracefully to his feet. "Which is why I think I'm gonna go out tonight - find me some poor, lonely fuck who'd love to have me pound him into the floor." A devilish smile overtook Duo's lips at the thought as he wandered towards their closet to find something to wear.

"Just make sure you don't get too carried away," Trowa cautioned, even though he knew that, for all Duo's promiscuity, he exercised the necessary protections.

Duo's voice echoed from inside the closet as he delved behind the row of hanging uniform garments that hid his nighttime party attire. "Are you kidding? If I'm lucky, I'll find four or five who all want it at the same time and we'll have ourselves a massive orgy." He paused for a moment to let out a low groan at the thought; "Oh God, I'm horny just thinking about it."

Trowa shook his head at Duo for what seemed to be the fortieth time that day. "One of these days, you're gonna really back yourself into a corner, you know that?" Trowa commented, flipping his book closed around his index finger. "What are you going to do when you finally fall in love with somebody?"

"Fall in love with somebody? Me? Yeah the fuck right." Duo scoffed dismissively as he pulled walked back towards the bed, a pile of rather skimpy-looking clothes draped over one arm. "No one's loved me since I was a kid, so why should I love anybody else? So right - fat chance there." He tossed the clothes onto his bed and shrugged out of his school vest, which he tossed haphazardly onto the floor.

Used to this routine, Trowa went back to reading, ignoring Duo as he continued to strip until his bare body was soaked in the soft lamplight. Duo was tall and lean, his body beautifully hewn by his boxing. Standing on long legs that were shaped with strong thighs and rounded calves, his skin was toasted to a pale gold that defined his firm muscles well. For as thick and long as the hair cascading from his scalp was, his body was devoid of hair, save a faint dusting across his chest and a dark nest of brown curls between his legs. He was the sin of lust embodied, perhaps even Devil himself, roaming the streets to tempt those just as wayward as he himself was.

"I'm just saying you ought to be careful," said Trowa as Duo sat down on the bed and started picking though the garments lying there. "One of these days, you're going to get hurt - and when it happens, I hope you remember what you're saying right now."

"Be as philosophical as you want, but it ain't changing things right now, that's for damn sure," Duo jeered as he bent to pull on a pair of fishnet stockings. The threadbare fabric crosshatched his legs with slender black lines, emphasizing each plane. He then stood so he could easily get on the next piece of clothing: a red plaid skirt that jangled with buckles and belts as he pulled it over his hipbones. Over his torso, he wore a white lace-up blouse with corseted ribbing. "Now get over here and help me tie this up," he demanded, angling the ribbons hanging from his back in Trowa's direction.

With a resigned sigh, Trowa put Dante down and walked over towards his roommate. "I don't see why you go so over the top," Trowa said as his fingers deftly worked at the ribbon laces, stringing them through the eyelets in the shirt and pulling them tight. "It's not like you're trans or something."

"I don't even really do up my hair or put on that much makeup. Trust me, this is not over the top, I promise," Duo assured the other teen. "Besides, I'm not really out to become a chick here. I just dig chicks' clothes 'cause they emphasize my boyness way better than guys' threads do. A little extra attention never hurt a soul." He let out a low grunt as Trowa ripped the laces a bit tighter than necessary. At least with the shirt molded so fittingly to his body, no one would have a question to just how male Duo was. "Not to mention they think it's kinky when I turn around and nail 'em in a skirt - or turn them around, for that matter." He chuckled darkly under his breath.

"Does everything you do somehow relate to you getting laid?" Trowa asked, finally knotting off the corset ribbons at the base of Duo's spine, letting the tails trail down across Duo's short skirt with the tailored fabric of the untucked shirt.

"You ask like you don't know the answer," Duo retorted as he wandered over towards his dresser to retrieve some eyeliner and a small wad of money, which he tucked into the top of one stocking. When he was through with all the little finishing touches, he grabbed a pair of heeled boots from the deep recesses under his bed and then climbed on top of it to open the window over his headboard. He threw the boots into the inky black night that leaked into the room when he pushed the glass panes outwards, the dull thud they made when they hit the lawn below rising up to their third storey room. "If I'm not back by the time you're ready to hit the sack, don't wait up for me," Duo said as he swung over the sill, preparing to climb down the side of the building on the thick ivy that coated the stone walls. And with that, he disappeared into the night.

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Looks like this one's gonna be a few chapters, and though I swore I'd never post as I wrote ever again, here I am. Probably because I feel bad knowing that I won't have anything to put out for a little while yet. Anyway, hope it's remotely what you had in mind, Rainya!

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