Title: Catholic Schoolboys Rule!
Author: Link Worshiper
Pairings: 1=2, 3=4, mentions of others
Stuff: AU, pokes at religious institution, fluff/sap, angst, lemon topping and a bit of drag XD
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise, Bandai and a lot of other people who aren't me. +5 skill points if you guess the title reference.

Filling a request for Rainya, because she feeds my geek needs. Thanks to Natea for the once-over.

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XI.

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If there was one tradition at Saint Magdalena's Heero absolutely could not tolerate, it was the mandatory prayer gatherings the school community had in the chapel every day. He thought they were a gross waste of time. What was the point of using three or so hours a day to talk about doing the right thing when they could be using that time to actually go out and exercise those beliefs. All in all, it made the whole ritual just seem even emptier to him.

Still, he was obligated to go. Each faculty member was allocated a group of students to check for attendance to each service, so avoidance was generally impossible. After being introduced to the daily system at the school, Heero had quickly decided that it wasn't worth trying to escape the hellish things, especially if he just wanted to blend in. He'd observed all the hassling the administration gave Duo for his gregarious behaviour and it was something Heero had little to no interest in partaking of. The few he managed to skip by pretending to be ill sufficed enough as a welcome reprieve as far as he was concerned.

That morning, however, Heero was glad to have a reason to get up so early. He couldn't bear to lie in bed much longer, especially after the restless night he'd just endured. He'd certainly been tired enough, but just when he thought he'd be able to drift off to sleep, he'd remember the things Quatre had said during their argument, which distracted him far more than a few yawns and his heavy eyelids ever did. And if the harsh words had been bad enough, it was even worse that Quatre hadn't slept in his own bed for at least two days, leaving the pristinely made cot as a testament to how alienated Heero had made himself. In fact, Heero hadn't seen Quatre at all since the blonde had stormed out; he sort of wished he could at least apologize to the other exchange student, even if it was only to get some closure for his own peace of mind.

Heero went through the motions of getting ready for the day absently, still distracted by his wayward thoughts. He wasn't sure he appreciated the harsh slap in the face, even if Quatre meant well. He'd been so good about keeping himself focused, too, he lamented as he examined his appearance in the mirror. He stiffened his collar and wrapped the narrow, black ribbon that ornamented his uniform at the throat around his neck. It's all just the same, he tried to coach himself as he folded the collar down; there was no sense in getting worked up over people who didn't understand - people who weren't important.

Telling himself that he felt better about the whole ordeal, he left the room and headed down to the chapel for morning prayers. Around him, other Saint Magdalena's students were streaming in the same direction, but Heero did his best to ignore them. He didn't like how his maroon Saint Anthony's uniform stood out so boldly in the sea of green blazers and skirts; it made him feel like everyone was looking at him, and the thought of all those eyes on him made him feel incredibly sordid, like they all could see his darkest secrets. He ducked his head and jammed his hands into his pockets, adding a bit more life to his step.

The sound of a Latin hymnal rose in volume as he neared the chapel doors. The school choir was always there before everybody else to welcome the congregation with song as it began to assemble. Heero wasn't sure how anyone benefited from this; listening to the music always made him want to fall back to sleep, especially at the early morning services.

Upon entering the chapel, he quickly darted into one of the back pews. The place was only about a third full, just on the brink of receiving the main rush of students as the beginning of the service drew nearer. Heero liked being there early enough to have a decent selection of places to sit; he'd been stuck next to unsavoury people in unpleasant locations for one prayer gathering too many.

"Ave Maria,
Gratia plena,_
Maria, gratia plena..."_

He recognized the nearby voice before he realized its owner was so close. Turning to look down the length of his pew, he found Duo Maxwell himself sitting at the other end, one of the hardbound hymnal books open on his lap. His appearance was still just barely within uniform regulation, but at least he was wearing his jacket and tie, albeit the former was hanging unbuttoned from his gangly frame, the latter loosely knotted around his neck. Heero, however, was a bit more distracted by the revelation that Duo could sing - and rather well, at that. He supposed the discovery came as a bit of a surprise considering that he was used to hearing all manner of rough, uncouth things coming out of Duo's mouth and the fact that those same lips could produce such sweetness seemed almost fanciful. He wondered why he felt vaguely insulted that no one had ever bothered to tell him this before.

"Maria, gratia plena._
Ave, ave, Dominus!_
Dominus tecum."

The chapel was slowly starting to fill up, but Heero was thankful that no one seemed to find the pew he shared with Duo a welcome place to sit. That suited Heero just fine and didn't give much thought to it until the actual service was just moments from getting underway and he realized that they were still alone together. To Heero's knowledge, Duo's disregard for authority had made him like a hero among the other students, but here, he seemed just as miserably alone as Heero did. Distant echoes of Quatre's admonishing voice started to fill Heero's head again.

It wasn't long before Duo noticed Heero as well. He took a moment to acknowledge Heero with a nervous smile before dropping his eyes back to the pages of the hymnbook. At one point, he might have taken the opportunity to slide down the bench so he could close in on Heero, even if all he won from it was a few casual touches, but now, just the sight of Heero brought memories of the night he'd masturbated with thoughts of the Japanese exchange student to mind. The shame of it brought a dark red blush to Duo's cheeks - something he never thought he'd feel for his more primal urges.

Heero registered Duo's wayward glances, but instead of writing them off as being meaningless, as he usually did, he instead heard Quatre's voice rising in volume between his ears. "He treats you differently from everyone else!" he heard Quatre repeat again and again, much to his growing ire. He tried to catch a glimpse of Quatre with the choir in order to shoot him a deadly stare, but he was too close to the back of the chapel for that to be very effective.

They both took to keeping their eyes on everything but each other, Duo unnaturally focused on the book in his hands and Heero very fascinated with the other end of the pew. Still, Duo somehow managed to catch Heero's eye again when he glanced up from his hymnal, but they both skittishly looked away when they acknowledged one another.

"Is anyone sitting here?"

Heero startled at the whisper, even though it hadn't been all that obtrusive. He looked up to find himself staring into the crystalline eyes of Relena Darlian, who was standing in the main aisle of the chapel with her hands folded over her green skirt. Hilde and Dorothy flanked her on either side, both looking particularly uninterested in their friend's actions.

Heero's initial impulse was to lie, but he couldn't gather the nerve to do it, so instead, he slid down to Duo's end of the bench, allowing the action to speak for itself. "Let me share your song book," he hissed, pressing himself shoulder-to-shoulder to Duo as the three girls filed in on the other end of the pew.

Duo jumped, clearly not expecting for Heero to suddenly be so close, though a quick peek around the Japanese teen quickly made sense of that. He pointed his nose resolutely into his hymnal again, behind which, Heero was quick to realize, Duo was actually reading a concealed pulp fiction magazine. Heero wasn't sure how Duo was still able to sing along with the music and sound so nice.

By this point, the choir died down, more of the student body had filled in the pews, and the service began. Duo didn't stand for the introductory rites and immersed himself more fully into his pulp fiction magazine, while Heero kept his head resolutely turned from Relena, who kept glancing in his direction and fiddling with her cuffs in a way he supposed was meant to be coy. Besides, Heero found that watching the various changes Duo's face underwent as he read was one of the most entertaining distractions he'd come across yet for these liturgies. After all, there were only so many times one could count the fleur di lis stencils on the ceiling and arrive at six hundred thirteen without getting bored of it after a while.

Duo clearly had honed his own brand of distraction down to a fine art after having a few years to practice. He seemed to have a sixth sense for when a teacher would come pacing down the aisle, and he'd quickly close the hymnal, holding his place with a strategically placed thumb as he lifted his eyes upwards. 'I wish that they'd swoop down on a country lane, late at night when I'm driving. They'd take me on board their beautiful ship, and show me the world as I'd love to see it,' Heero read, stealing a glance at the magazine Duo was so engrossed in, though he could only catch a few lines on the far page when Duo split the hymnal open again. 'I'd tell all my friends, but they'd never believe me - they'd think that I finally lost it completely. I'd show them the stars, and the meaning of life. They'd shut me away, but I'd be alright.'

Duo shifted the book and flipped the page, cutting off Heero's over-the-shoulder peeking. Duo jerked a cursory glance at Heero before reading onward, and Heero quickly snapped his attention rigidly forward, feigning intense interest in the pigtails of the girl in front of him. He'd just been thinking about how escapist Duo's literature of choice was, too, when he realized he wasn't much better.

"Heero," came another whisper from Relena, causing Heero to glance sharply in her direction. She'd scooted a lot closer to him, but at least she hadn't gathered the nerve to get so near that Heero would be practically sandwiched between her and Duo. "Do you want to share my hymn book?" she asked softly, her eyes shifting nervously between the front of the chapel and Heero's face.

Heero fixed his stare in the opposite direction. "No, thanks," he muttered back. "Can't you see I'm sharing with Duo?"

She glanced dubiously at Duo, who was very obviously not using his hymnal for singing and then arched an eyebrow at Heero. "But..."

A raspy sigh scraped the back of Heero's throat. "I don't sing," he snapped, hoping his tone would put her off at least for a little. He thrust his eyes back down at Duo's magazine to emphasize his point but quickly felt uncomfortable reading over the longhaired teen's shoulder like that. Instead, Heero obsessed over how much it annoyed him that Duo's tie hung haphazardly loose around his neck. He itched to straighten it.

Meanwhile, Duo, usually a pretty fast reader, hadn't turned a page in about five minutes. He could feel the weight of Heero's intense scrutiny and had actually resorted to listening to the service in an effort to ignore it. He was hardly successful in that, though, and it wasn't long before he clamped the book closed and finally turned to meet Heero's divergent eyes. "What?" he hissed impatiently. In front of him, the pigtailed student twisted around to forcefully press a finger to her lips with a threatening 'Shhh!'

An inexplicably brilliant shade of pink overtook Heero's cheeks as he forced his stare away. "Your uniform," he murmured from t he corner of his mouth. "You look like a slob."

Indignation warped Duo's features as he whispered back, "Fuck you, Spaceboy. Where the hell do you get off...?"

Heero felt that familiar blood starting to boil in his veins, but he quelled it for the sake of their surroundings. His stern eyebrows dipped angrily over his intense eyes as he returned his stare to Duo, the corners of his mouth weighted into a displeased frown. "You fail to impress anyone looking like that," Heero said candidly, fixating on the tie again.

Taken aback, Duo felt the words strike him to the core. He immediately found his desires concerning Heero springing to mind, coupled with the notion of how impossible satisfying them would ever be if Heero couldn't even stand to look at him. The notion made him consider things in a different light, wondering if tending to his uniform would be enough to elevate him in Heero's opinion at all. He had a sinking suspicion it was really hardly worth the effort.

His thoughts were quickly derailed when he felt a sharp tug around his neck. Glancing down, he was started to see a pair of hands extending from beneath the maroon cuffs of Heero's uniform jacket pulling at the ends of his tie to loosen and redo the knot. His eyes crept up the length of those arms to Heero's face, trying to catch Heero's eyes, which were masked behind the thick fall of his long bangs.

Heero hardly acknowledged what he'd done when he was through, moving to stand with his arms crossed and his eyes trained forwards as if it hadn't happened at all. Duo, however, was far from letting it slide, clutching the end of his tie in one hand and staring at it idiotically before transferring his flabbergast towards Heero's profile moments later. Heero looked so dapper in his well tailored uniform, his waistcoat and vest unwrinkled and buttoned neatly over his abdomen. The buttons at his wrists were perfectly fastened and his oxford was finely pressed, the collar folded neatly over his impeccably tied neck ribbon. Duo thought Heero's narrowly cut slacks fit his legs altogether too well, and his school shoes gleamed like they'd never encountered a mud puddle in their entire existence. He then took a survey of his own disheveled appearance, the rolled up sleeves and undone blazer, for the first time seeing disgust in how slovenly he looked - especially when compared to how dashing Heero came off with his neatened appearance. Duo made quick work of amending that.

Heero caught Duo's movements out of the corner of his eye, unsure what to think when he realized what Duo was doing. Was he trying to show him up? Heero wondered. The question didn't fester long, because Duo noticed Heero's wayward glances and asked sharply, "What're you staring at now, Spaceboy?" He tossed his head, his braid wiggling tauntingly behind his back. "Surprised I clean up so well?"

That had, more or less, been exactly what Heero had been thinking, but he didn't explicitly admit it. Instead, his eyes still trained forward with the pretense of paying attention to the service, he leaned over and whispered into Duo's ear, "You make much more of a statement that way."

Duo felt the warm, red blush shoot up from his toes to the top of his head like a heating thermometer. If having perfect uniform every day was going to catch Heero's eye, then he'd be sure to dress that way from then on, and fuck whether or not the school administration gave a damn.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the pew, while Dorothy was smirking triumphantly at Relena, who was busy shooting glances at Heero in case he should direct his attention to her, Hilde was eyeing the scene between Heero and Duo with exasperation. It hadn't taken any knowledge of rocket science or advanced astrophysics for Hilde to figure out that Duo had it bad for Heero, and that his fixation on the exchange student extended well beyond just momentary lust. Even back when Duo had told her about the incident at the Halloween party, where Duo had attempted to kiss Heero but instead scared the other off, Hilde had sensed that Duo had been hurting bad over such a fumble. She'd been meaning to have a frank discussion with Duo about the whole situation for a while, since, but she hadn't found a good time to slip it casually into conversation. It was obvious that Heero was blissfully unaware of Duo's inner workings and, if anything, was simply confused and maybe even a little frightened by Duo's forwardness. And, if Hilde knew Duo at all, she was willing to bet that Duo was getting himself hung up over Heero's awkwardness for all the wrong reasons. Only a blind fool would deny that Heero had special eyes of his own for Duo. The thought had her glancing at her two female companions hopelessly.

Relena, for her part, was growing frustrated with trying to get Heero to notice her, but she refused to simply give up, especially with Dorothy standing right next to her. She didn't know why Heero seemed to have trouble even giving her the time of day, especially when every other boy she'd ever met would practically stumble over his own feet to simply talk to her. She knew it wasn't for lack of being pretty or nice, so there had to be something else. She glanced past Heero at Duo again, who'd gone back to staring intently at whatever trashy magazine he'd brought to chapel with him that day, and an intense fear suddenly overtook her. She was well aware of the current rumours flying around about Trowa Barton and how he'd been making moves at the other exchange student. Heero couldn't be trying to do that to Duo.

Could he?

She shuddered and shook her head, her hair flopping around her face as she tried to throw the notion out of her mind. It would never happen; Hilde wouldn't ever stand for it. She tried to reassure herself with a glance in Hilde's direction, but was instead met with Dorothy's very smug face. The tall blonde leaned over to Relena and whispered harshly, "Looks like he goes for the fag, not the hag."

Relena squeaked, the sound escaping her throat in lieu of the yelp that threatened to burst free. She grabbed a handful of Dorothy's skirt and used it to jerk her close so she could whisper back, "Duo's not gay, you heartless witch."

Dorothy's snaky smile intensified. "Doesn't stop your boy from batting for the other team, now, does it?"

Relena turned bright red, shooting a protesting glare at her blond friend and rival.

"Think of it - of all the things he probably dreams about," Dorothy went on, slipping an arm around Relena's shoulders to hold her in place, her long, manicured fingernails digging viciously into the fabric of Relena's jacket. "How he'd love Duo to come to his bed, naked and hungry for him." Her fingers tightened their grip on Relena as she tried to struggle away from Dorothy's cruel teasing. "Can't you imagine him touching himself, all the while thinking of how much he'd love to suck Duo and ride him all night, chanting his name over and over?" Relena grew steadily more uncomfortable and Dorothy went in for the kill, her lips just short of kissing Relena's ear as she hissed, "I bet he loves it - loves the cock and being on his knees for it. I bet he's a total cock-slut. I bet he wants to be Duo's greedy little cock-starved who -"

A hand collided with the back of Dorothy's head, cutting her off. Dorothy whipped her head in the other direction to glare heatedly at Hilde, who'd just induced a rather skull-splitting headache upon her with the back of her hand. "How dare you?" Dorothy seethed, turning her attention to Hilde, who simply crossed her arms defiantly.

"You're one to talk," Hilde snapped back, her voice threatening to become disruptive. Unlike Relena, she wasn't going to politely allow Dorothy to keep on with her borderline abusive taunting - even if it did have a little merit.

"If I were Duo, dating you would be enough to turn me homo," Dorothy sneered, not liking the way it felt to be knocked from her high horse. "You're just short of being a man yourself."

There was a throb in Hilde's fist that ached to teach Dorothy's snooty face a lesson, but this was far from being the time and place, so she repressed the urge. "Being a rat isn't going to change the way things play out," Hilde grumbled into Dorothy's ear, elbowing her sharply in the side instead. "If Heero wants to be Relena's friend, that's his own business, so push off and leave Duo far away from your girlie quibbling."

Dorothy was about to let a particularly scathing and insulting comment fly when the pigtailed girl sitting in the pew in front of them whirled around again, her face twisted with aggravation. "Quiet," she practically growled at them, her eyebrow twitching a little. "Can't you save that for later and pay attention to the priest?" It was hard to tell, but it sounded like she mumbled a rather grouchy 'Jesus Christ' under her breath as she turned back around.

Relena let out a relieved breath of air at the interruption, while Hilde and Dorothy each sent each other a parting glare of disdain before pointedly staring moodily in opposite directions. She was glad that hump had been flattened out, but she had a sneaky feeling that it wouldn't be long before it resurfaced, especially since all she heard were Dorothy's explicit suggestions whenever she glanced over at Heero standing next to Duo. It didn't help that Dorothy just had to have the last say, leaning back in to hiss, "Cock-slut, cock-slut, cock-slut!"

In a desperate effort to ignore all those dissipations, Relena focused all of her conscience on the priest, who was just giving the congregation permission to offer one another the customary sign of peace. She sensed Heero turning next to her, her eyes darting towards him just in time to see him reaching out to shake Duo's hand.

"Peace be with you, Duo," he said, his voice still hardly above a whisper as he gazed down at their clasped hands.

Duo peered down at the top of Heero's head, wondering what this offering meant. Despite his vast experience in flirting with boys, this was something he'd never encountered before, and he wasn't quite sure how to deal with it. He wondered what it was about Heero that excited such alien feelings within him.

He tried not to let that knot of concern hinder him for the time being, and instead just tried to relish this contact with Heero, brief and platonic as it was. Gripping the hymnal tightly under his left arm, he squeezed Heero's hand a bit more, letting his hold on it linger even after he said just as softly, "Peace, Heero."

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The day passed, and, as an even sharper blow to Heero's esteem and loneliness, Quatre was still avoiding him. He came back to the dorm room to find the area he shared with Quatre just as he left it that morning. Wufei wasn't there, either; he had a hot date with Meilan, who was the only girl on the fencing team, and thus, the only girl Wufei had eyes for. He'd been particularly looking forward to it for a while, even if he'd never admit that he'd been interested in Meilan long before she ever asked him out.

Heero threw his school bag onto the bed, where it bounced once on the mattress before colliding loudly with the wall. He dumped his latest haul from the library onto the table, wrenched one of the chairs out and swooped into it in one fell motion. He leaned his cheek heavily on one hand and stared morosely out the window opposite him, while he idly fingered the book sitting on top of the stack. He picked it up with the intention to open it and maybe start reading, but couldn't get past the front cover. He held it gingerly in his hand, his thumb covering half the title. 'Portrait of the -'

What a difference a day made. In just twenty-four little hours, his preconceptions about so many things were completely turned on their heads. Initially, he hadn't wanted to believe the things Quatre had barraged him with, but since he'd stood next to Duo in chapel that morning, Heero had begun to see the longhaired boxer in a completely alien light. The strangest part, though, Heero found, was that he wasn't all that sure this alternative view was an unwelcome thing. With growing clarity, he realized that what Quatre had said about Duo held some water. He didn't expect the blonde to up and forgive him for his stubborn unwillingness to listen, but he at least wanted to apologize and concede his recent discoveries. At the same time, he wasn't sure he was ready to hear what Quatre had to say in regards to the meaning of this revelation.

Heero knew he hadn't been fair. He deposited the book back on top of the pile and scooted back, turning his head towards the inclined ceiling as he started to loosen his necktie and unbutton his collar. He supposed maybe he should be the one to make the first move in making amends with Quatre. Otherwise, that stagnant feeling of guilt would never leave him alone. He'd already wronged him enough as it was.

Getting to his feet, Heero went through the motions of stripping himself of his constricting uniform and redressing in something more comfortable for the evening. As he did so, he tried to think of all the places he ought to try and seek Quatre out at this hour. He thought that maybe Trowa would be a good place to start, and elected to run down to his room to ask.

It wasn't until he was halfway there that Heero remembered who Trowa's roommate was, and for some reason, the knowledge added some lethargy to his step. His mind's eye was suddenly flooded with the memory of that sad expression Duo had worn while he read his magazine through chapel. Alone. Even Hilde seemed to spend more time with her girl friends, all of whom seemed perfectly capable of keeping themselves entertained during the bore of prayer with one another's company. A leaden arrow pierced the core of Heero's being, certain that showing up in search of Trowa and Quatre would just be like salt in Duo's lonely wounds. Heero didn't want to consider how that would feel; he liked to think he was at least an authority on such matters.

Heero stilled in front of Duo and Trowa's door, which he only distinguished from the rest of the ones lining the hall because of the upside down cross hanging beside it. Heero would wager a guess that it was Duo who seemed to have a habit of turning it over on its nail, and wrestled for a few moments with righting the wall ornament. He raised a tentative fist to knock, a hand resting on the handle as if for support, but was surprised to find the door gave under his weight before he could even lay his knuckles upon the wood.

He stumbled forward a step, quick to steady the door and pull it back a little. Still, he couldn't help but peer through the crack formed between the edge of the door and the wall. At first, the room seemed empty, and Heero was about to just leave and go searching elsewhere, when he heard the rasp of heavy breathing issuing from inside. Carefully, he opened the door a bit further again, scanning the place for the source of the sound. It didn't take him very long. From his vantage point, he found the table was obscuring the upper half of a body that was stretched out low across the floor, flexing with the strain of exercising a series of push-ups; the long braid snaking over the bare back identified it as Duo. Heero suddenly lost the nerve to knock. Duo seemed pretty engaged in working out, and he didn't feel right interrupting.

He started to pull the door closed again, but a gruff word from Duo made him pause. "Who's there?"

Heero was surprised by the nervous way his stomach seemed to quiver in his chest. "Nobody," he murmured, focusing on the way the end of Duo's braid had coiled in the dip of his back. "I'm leaving."

There was a loud thud, and suddenly, Duo's legs scooted behind the table and out of Heero's eyesight. Moments later, a pair of hands slapped the table top, and Duo's head popped up afterwards, his eyes wide with disbelief. He was reminiscent of an eager puppy dog that had been enticed with a treat bone. "Heero?" he said as he started to climb to his feet. He was wearing nothing but a long pair of mesh shorts and the thin gloss of sweat coating his skin.

"Don't let me bother you," Heero insisted, a little caught off guard as Duo rounded the table and approached the place where he stood. "I was just looking for Quatre, that's all."

Duo's footsteps slowed to a halt, a shade of understanding draping itself around his face. "Oh," he said, sounding vaguely disappointed. "Should have known there'd be a reason like that," he mumbled to himself, hanging his head. "Well, he's not here, obviously."

Heero opened his mouth to inquire where else he might look, but there was something about Duo's drooping posture that stopped him. It filled his mind with more images of Duo from chapel that morning, reading the pulp fiction magazine, almost completely obscuring his past understanding of the longhaired boxer. Duo's unhappiness was so gaping, Heero wondered how he'd never noticed it before. Was he really that detached? So instead, he found his lips moving around the words of a question he never dreamed he'd ask of Duo. "Do you mind if I come in?"

That puppy dog expression lighted Duo's eyes again as he lifted his chin and nodded enthusiastically. "This is great timing! I was just finishing up," Duo rambled, pulling out a chair for Heero as he entered the room and closed the door. "I hadn't quite figured out what I was gonna do with the rest of my day, but here, being with you is plenty good!"

Heero sat gingerly, as if he was afraid the chair might be rigged for some elaborate practical joke of Duo's. He watched the other teen plop down in one of the other chairs, only to stand back up moments later and pace around the room, filled with nervous energy. Heero was a little confused by Duo's antics, wondering where this timid awkwardness came from. "Where is Trowa, anyway?" he asked, wondering if maybe Duo was just going a little stir-crazy from lack of company. He couldn't imagine why else Duo would be so desperate that he'd entreat Heero to hang out with him.

That certainly did put a damper on Duo's jumbled movement. "Oh," he said again as he stopped by his bed and collapsed onto it as if his knees had simply given out. "He's been spending a lot of time down at the boathouse, lately. I think he sleeps down there sometimes." Duo shrugged, leaning forward on his elbows as he stared blankly across the room at Trowa's neatly made bed. "He's a weird guy when it comes to the boats and the water and all. Sometimes, I wonder if he's got the heart of a fish or something."

Heero blinked a few times at Duo, unsure of what to make of his comments. "Is that why you look so sad?" he asked tentatively. "Because there's no one around to talk to?"

"What about you?" Duo wondered immediately, looking up to meet Heero's eyes. His gaze was raw and sincere, his blue eyes glittering with a darkness Heero had never quite been able to discern before. "I mean, you're here. Can't I talk to you?" he amended, as if to cover up the suggestion that perhaps Heero was just as lonely as he was.

"I... I suppose so," Heero stammered, still feeling a bit at a loss. "Though I can't exactly promise to be the best of companions," he mumbled afterwards, not sure if Duo realized what a terrible person he was.

He looked up to find Duo staring at him with that inexplicable darkness in his eyes again, and, in a fighting attempt to label the expression, Heero called the word 'pleading' to mind. Those eyes were familiar, the same eyes he'd seen a long time ago in the face of a spurned, stray puppy that had followed him home one day when he was about ten. He'd begged his father to let him keep the animal, but all that had amounted to was a rather abusive denial - a familiar ritual for Heero and his guardians for as long as he could remember. At the time, he had supposed he was just as selfish as his father had accused him of being, wanting to keep the dog because he was just as desperate for a friend as it had been, but as he grew older, he'd come to realize that a companion wasn't such a bad thing to want for one's self. He was glad he'd never forgiven his father and grandfather for anything; the puppy incident had been the crux of his disdain for both of them.

"Heero? Are you okay?"

The sound of Duo calling his name caused Heero to glance up, quickly breaking off the depressing sentiment the memory had started to instigate within him. Duo's expression had shifted to one of concern, and Heero secretly hoped that he hadn't gone too much into a trance while he'd been thinking. "I'm fine," he assured Duo succinctly.

Duo eyed him carefully like he wasn't sure he believed Heero, but he didn't say anything to contradict Heero's declaration that there was nothing wrong. He was sure he wouldn't have liked it if Heero had tried to do the same to him, and it was with that thought that Duo caught a glimmer of how similar he and Heero were, despite appearances. It was like there were things he didn't even have to explain to the other boy, things he didn't have the capacity to discuss with everyday words, but still knew that Heero understood them anyway. But even with that, the silence was still draining to Duo, and he fought to keep on top of the game. "So," he began tentatively, "why are you trying to find Quatre?" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood as he added, "Did the fucker mess with the buckles on your suitcase or something?"

Heero arched his eyebrows humourlessly at Duo, his look enough to quell Duo's awkward chuckling. "We just had an argument, that's all," Heero said simply, not sure he wanted to express to Duo that he had been the reason for the quarrel. "I don't like being at odds with him. I..." He trailed off, unsure of what he even wanted to say.

"Hey, man, whatever," Duo shrugged, writing it off a bit more casually than Heero deemed appropriate. "People fight all the time - big deal. I think it's kinda nice that you and Q got to be good enough friends that he can tell it to you straight - whatever it was. You gotta have big balls for shit like that."

Heero supposed Duo was mostly right, but it still didn't do much to console him. "He hasn't spoken to me in days," Heero continued morosely, crossing his arms and turning his head to stare out the window by Duo's bed. The sun was starting to set, filling Heero's eyes with that blinding, rose-orange light. He felt tired, listless.

Duo cocked his head, watching Heero's absent eyes, which were glassy with twilight and seemed to be looking at something far beyond the horizon. He felt a well of jealousy bubble up in the pit of his stomach that maybe Heero was thinking about Quatre, and then berated himself for wanting Heero solely for himself. People were allowed to have multiple friends on all different rungs of the ladder, he supposed; still, that didn't mean that Duo would settle for being anywhere below the top of Heero's. He wanted so desperately for Heero to see him the way he saw Heero, but felt altogether at a loss as to how he could do that. And even if he did, he wasn't even sure Heero would want the things Duo was willing to give.

More weighted silenced lingered between them before Heero let out a long-suffering sigh and spoke again. "He was an outsider, too - an ally in a place neither of us knew," Heero lamented, still sounding very downtrodden. "But then, that's the very thing he berated me for, and now I don't even have that common ground anymore. He didn't outright say it, but I know he thinks I'm a miserable waste of life - a fuck up who can't even see the forest for the trees."

Duo was at a loss for what to say. He thought it would be somewhat hypocritical to give Heero some piece of resounding advice on the matter, since he wasn't sure he was all that better off. Certainly, he'd been attending Saint Magdalena's far longer, but Duo wasn't sure that made him belong any more than Heero felt he did. He saw his own misery reflected in Heero's very posture, the sag of his shoulders and the hunch of his back. But there was still something eerily beautiful about Heero's melancholy, a shred of what Duo already found so enticing about the exchange student in the set of his plush lips and the fluttering of his dark lashes. "You're anything but a waste," Duo whispered almost incoherently.

"What is it I'm not learning?" Heero was asking himself as he pressed his forehead into the palm of one hand. "What do I keep doing wrong?"

"Whatever it is," Duo said, a tiny smile threatening to break the nostalgic mood, "let me know when you figure it out."

Heero glanced fleetingly at Duo, amusement far from his features. "What would you care," he muttered, a little too lost in his own distress to give it much thought. "In a few months, I'll just be another bad memory you'd rather forget."

Duo was aghast at the suggestion. It wasn't something he wanted to think about. "I don't think you could leave me so easily," Duo admitted, averting his eyes from Heero's, somewhat embarrassed to be admitting it aloud. The final bit came in nary a whisper: "I wouldn't let you."

Heero lifted his head and looked at Duo sharply, surprise rounding his lips. It really was just as Quatre had said. He suddenly felt that Quatre shouldn't have to forgive him for such idiocy if he didn't feel inclined; Heero would no longer be upset if he didn't; he thought he rather deserved it, now. His mind started delving further into the matter, now that he'd been so forwardly met with it. There was just one thing Quatre hadn't explained to him, and Heero suddenly felt compelled to ask why.

"Why?" Duo pinned Heero with that darkened, serious expression of his, sounding as if what he was about to say should have been something Heero already knew. "Maybe I want to remember you - to have you be a part of my life," he said, his voice trembling a little. "Maybe you don't like yourself much, but I do." He was on his feet now, approaching Heero with a firm step, and before Heero knew it, Duo had clamped one domineering hand on the back of Heero's chair and another around the edge of the table, effectively pinning the exchange student where he sat. He held his eyes level with Heero's, that darkness that saturated the blue irises piercing right through Heero like a threaded needle that drew them closer together. "All these years I've been wandering around, I wondered why nobody bothered to tell me that all I was looking for was somebody like you." He leaned forward, his lips nearing Heero's as they spoke, shedding an almost unbearable warmth across Heero's face. "All I want is you."

Heero sucked in a breath, and recoiled instinctively against the back of the chair, unsure of what to make of this nearness. It reminded him acutely of that incident at the party where Duo had tried to kiss him, except for this time, they were alone in the privacy of a room where there was no need for disguises or pretenses. He didn't understand this need Duo seemed to have about touching him - about being near to him.

Though Heero felt the heat of one of Duo's hands traveling down his chest, his fingertips burning through the flimsy cotton of his shirt, and even felt the hot cloud around Duo's palm as it neared his groin, he startled when he felt Duo's fingers descend upon it. The caress wasn't rough, even a bit loving and gentle, but it still frightened Heero, especially since he only had a passing knowledge of such things, having never been fondled that way before. "Don't be afraid of me," Duo breathed into Heero's ear, pressing his hand more possessively against Heero. "Let me adore you - please." His last words were like a groaning purr against the side of Heero's face as he tightened their proximity a bit more, straddling one of Heero's knees and hitching one of his own between Heero's legs as he continued to caress Heero through the soft flannel of his pants.

Heero was too shocked by the forwardness of Duo's actions to really be aware of any of his own reactions. He felt frozen to his seat, too scared to move, and even unsure if he really wanted to. He supposed this was the charm that everyone saw in Duo: this skill he had for making whoever his pick of the moment was feel like he was the most special person in the world. Despite that, there was an odd, sick feeling in his belly, like there was still something not quite right about the situation, even if he did like the attention. Maybe it was the unexpected fear he had of Duo dropping him like yesterday's news once he got bored. A strange, gurgling noise issued from the back of his throat as Duo's fingers started pulling at the elastic of his flannels.

"It's okay if you're not used to this, baby," Duo murmured into Heero's ear, his fingernails raking through the thin dusting of dark hair that he'd discovered just beneath Heero's low-slung waistband. "I promise I won't hurt you. I just want to make you feel good, okay?" He took the tip of Heero's earlobe between his teeth and gave it an experimental nibble as his hand fought to delve further into Heero's pajama pants. "Real fuckin' good...."

"Duo, please..." Heero whimpered in a vain attempt to protest. "What are you - why are you --?" He shifted a bit beneath Duo, but it didn't do much to throw the longhaired boxer from his lap.

Still, the pleading quality of Heero's voice did make Duo recoil a little, pulling his head back far enough so he could look into Heero's eyes, where he saw pupils wide with panic. "Do you really not understand?" Duo wondered. "I thought I told you - I want to be with you."

Heero wasn't quite sure what made him say the things he did, but once he got on a roll with it, he found it hard to stop. "For how long? An hour? A day? I'm not special to you, Duo. Just another quick fuck to you, aren't I? A challenge for your libertine ways. I'm not going to let you use me; I'm sick of being other people's trash."

With that, he squirmed again, this time with a more forceful thrash of his hips, trying hard to ignore the jolt of pleasure that coursed through him as the motion caused Duo's palm to become much more intimate with his body. Both of them gasped with surprise, and Duo quickly drew his hand away, suddenly very clear about Heero's reservations.

The realization came a bit too late, though. Distracted, Duo couldn't resist Heero's next wild buck, and before he knew it, he was on the floor, on his ass, and Heero was standing up, moving towards the door like a frightened, caged animal. "Heero, it's not like that!" Duo called desperately, popping back up and shakily walking after Heero, his pace just short of being a faulty stagger. "Don't go away - please!" The straining fingers of Duo's outreached hand snagged Heero's wrist and tightened, jerking the retreating exchange student to a halt as he whispered, "Don't leave me. I don't want you to, so just - please, not you...."

Heero tried to free his hand, but found Duo's hold on it rather resilient. But when he tried to direct a menacing glare at Duo, he found his malcontent fading away the second he saw the earnest expression in Duo's eyes. They were even a bit damp, like tears were threatening to dribble around the curves of his cheeks at any moment. It was the same, lonely Duo he'd stood next to in chapel.

"You're not like the others," Duo went on, his voice hardly above a murmur. Heero had to strain his ears just to make out the words. "You're strong and passionate enough to fly by yourself. You make me want to climb up to the stars after you and then tumble back down together real slow. You make me feel like this life is more than just a read-through."

Heero could only stare at Duo, unsure of what he would say if he still had the power of speech. His heart constricted within his chest, an odd pain ringing through it with every palpitation. He heard the struggle in Duo's every word, and it was then that he understood how hard Duo was trying to communicate things he didn't know how to express in any other way. But though Duo's knowledge of affection was limited to the physical, at least he had some experience with it, even if it was superficial and brief. Heero wasn't sure anyone had ever wanted to gift such a thing to him ever before. The notion of it still kind of threw him off center.

"Can't you see? It's all for you," Duo went on, dropping his eyes again, afraid to see the disgust that was sure to be welling on Heero's face. "I want to be your friend, your lover, your anything - your everything." He took a few tentative steps forward, reaching out with his spare hand to take Heero's other. "You're the secret I keep, the sweet to my mean..." he whispered, leaning forward with the intention to kiss Heero again.

Heero drew his head back but barely enough to escape Duo's questing lips, which found his easily. This time, the kiss wasn't as desperate or hungry as before, but merely a soft touch of lips. Without the desperate aggression Duo usually poured into his actions, Heero found himself able to absorb things he hadn't been able to before, like the firm, gentle curve of his lips and the way they were salty, and yet still tasted like sweet honey all at once. Heero had never kissed anyone else before, but he wasn't sure he really wanted to.

The involuntary trembling of Heero's mouth caused Duo to moan deeply into the kiss. He guided Heero's hands to his hips, positioning them there, before releasing Heero's wrists to wrap his own arms possessively around Heero's waist and pull him as close as he could. Did he dare imagine that Heero was reveling in the kiss as much as he was?

Gently pulling away, Duo buried his nose into the crook of Heero's neck and just held him close, never wanting to let him go. "What would it take for you to be comfortable with me?" he murmured against Heero's skin, the essence of Heero's distinct taste and smell overwhelming his senses. "Tell me what I'm doing wrong."

Heero hoped Duo didn't notice the huge knot he just swallowed down his throat. He felt his knees buckling a little and wanted desperately to sit down, but that was an impossibility with the way Duo was currently wrapped around his body. With each passing moment, Heero was starting to realize that with all the meticulous planning in the world, nothing would probably have prepared him for his encounter with Duo Maxwell. Worse still was the suggestion that perhaps it was a more welcome unexpectedness than he'd have liked. If things progressed in this fashion, he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep a tight reign on it - or that he wanted to. And that left him rather far up the creek without a paddle.

He finally managed to position his hands in such a way that he was able to push away from Duo, completely missing the shattered expression on Duo's face as he moved to put some space between them. Perching on the edge of Duo's bed, Heero fisted his hands in his lap, trying hard to keep them from fidgeting as he tried to figure out what he ought to say. There were a lot of things he probably should explain to Duo, but then doubted the consequences of such admissions. Then he thought maybe he should at least try to understand what it meant now that Duo had kissed him, but was embarrassed to direct any limelight on his inexperience. So he opted to just remain pensively staring ahead at the window over Trowa's bed, where the sky was becoming thick with rain clouds through the cheap blinds.

Duo was lurking around the table, fingering the top of one of the chairs with his index finger like he was trying to wipe it free of any dust. He wasn't so stupid that he couldn't tell Heero needed some time to gather his thoughts, but it was also driving him mad that he couldn't tell what the exchange student was contemplating so heavily over there. The more instinctual reminders that Heero was sitting on his bed and where that could potentially lead weren't very helpful, either.

At long last, after a few more moments of lethargic silence, Heero looked up and met Duo's eyes. With a sigh of defeat, he asked, "Why me, Duo? How can you say those things like you're so certain?"

Duo had to choke down his breath before the first thing that came to mind popped out of his mouth. Though it wasn't exactly a terrible thing to admit, he wasn't sure he'd like to explain to Heero how his shameless lust for him had blossomed into something else entirely. "Why do you ask?" he countered shakily, not trusting himself enough to give a direct answer.

Heero's lips moved for a few seconds, but no words came out. He dropped his eyes back to his lap, where his fingers were now balled so tightly, the tops of his bony knuckles were white as mounds of snow and the backs of his hands were ribbed with the shape of his bones. "No one has ever liked me before. Not even a little. Definitely not enough to kiss me, in any case," he said quietly. "And if anyone ever entertained the notion, it was lost the second they got a good look at me."

What Heero said caught Duo's attention, and he snapped up, staring at Heero incredulously. His own hand was clamped just as tightly as Heero's around the chair back as he wondered aloud, "I don't understand how that could be. Who wouldn't want to hold someone as beautiful as you?"

Heero balked, but the blush on his cheeks was still quite apparent. He shook his head defiantly, refusing to believe such a thing, certain Duo was just trying to seduce him further.

"Don't tell me you can't see it - how breathtaking your passion is," Duo whispered curiously, cocking his head a bit. "There's no one else around here who's even close to what you are. It's like you're a star that fell from heaven." Duo dared to take a few steps towards Heero, though his step felt so unsteady, he was sure he was going to topple over en route. "You give it all but... I want more," Duo's voice steadily decreased in volume as he neared the bed, afraid anything more than a soothing tone would cause the skittish object of his affections to flee. "So much more," he whispered, now close enough to reach out for Heero. He didn't though.

Looking up, Heero was startled by the sincerity laden in Duo's bright blue eyes. He quickly dropped his gaze again, mumbling, "You keep saying that, but you're wrong. I don't have passion, either."

Duo clenched his fists, which were shaking with the strength of his mounting emotions. "Goddammit, Heero, maybe you're the one that's wrong!" Duo exploded, grabbing Heero's shoulders and flinging him back onto the bed without warning, the sudden weight of his back startling the mess of pillows and sheets a few inches into the air. Duo pinned him down with one hand and grabbed his chin with the other, forcing their eyes to lock. "I'm trying so fucking hard here, but you just keep crawling further into yourself! Can't you just fucking accept that I think maybe I love you?"

Heero felt as if the breath had been slammed out of his chest when he hit the mattress, and could only blink in confusion at Duo as he stuttered, "That - it just can't be." If he hadn't been frightened before, he certainly was now, and not because of what Duo had just declared to him, but rather because he'd just noticed that Duo had long since stopped calling him 'Spaceboy'. The change highlighted the things that had started to shift between them. Before, the nickname had been a safe barrier, one that kept Heero a good arm's length from potential hazard, but now that it was gone, he wasn't sure how he ought to proceed. The dilemma brought him back to his earlier lament about not knowing how to prepare for something like this. He again cursed his wretched inexperience and the circumstances that had bred such loneliness.

Duo's thumbs dug into the hollows beneath Heero's collarbones, his eyes squinted tightly as he turned his head away. His braid tumbled over his shoulder and plopped heavily onto Heero's stomach like an anchor on his heart. The waning evening sun reaching through the windows lit the pearling tears on Duo's cheek a brilliant shade of glowing amber. "You're breaking hearts and still afraid," Duo mumbled, unsure if he could bear to continue like this. A frigid stab fell through him when he thought of the way he used to conduct himself. "It's a different kind of being lonely...."

The pain flickered across Duo's face so fervently, Heero was embarrassed he'd never noticed it before. He wished he had a better talent for guessing the right words to remedy the situation, but knew he was at a loss. "There are so many people out there, Duo," he said, unsure what provoked the comment, considering his worry about screwing up. "How could you be sure that you... you...." He swallowed again, hesitant to let his lips form the word. "...th-that you love me?" he finally said, the words spilling out incoherently fast.

The words seemed to work a certain magic on Duo, who slowly opened his eyes and turned his head back towards Heero. His answer was soft, but there was a certain air of defeat to the way he spoke, like he was certain he'd lost all hope of ever winning Heero's returned affection - or even his mere friendship. "Because what I feel for you is so different from everything else," he said, feeling as if he'd said the same thing a million times in a million different languages Heero didn't understand. "I miss you when you're away, but I feel a spark inside when you're around. When I sleep, all I see is you, and when I can't, it's no different. I don't feel whole otherwise - it's like... like I'm spinning on the end of a string...." His voice faded again, like he no longer had the capacity to talk. Hanging his head, he leaned closer to Heero and wrapped his arms around him again, comforted by his presence as he laid himself out beside the other on the bed. "In my heart, I know my faults, but I wish you'd help me understand...."

Heero was confused, but he felt an odd comfort in Duo's inability to let him go. It felt good to have someone treat him like a real person who mattered for a change. Still, he couldn't help but ask, "How can I help you understand something I don't get myself?"

"Don't worry about it," Duo mumbled, his breath a hot cloud over the crook of Heero's neck. "All I need is for you to be resting here with me - just so you're close enough for me to hear you breathe." He readjusted himself so he was cradling Heero in his arms like a giant teddy bear, emphasizing that Heero wasn't the only one who felt vulnerable there. "Just... breathe, Heero," he whispered against Heero's cheek. His eyelids were growing heavy as the weight of sleep creeping up on him out of nowhere; his sight was an erotic blur of colour. "Breathe for me...."

Heero did.

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