Title: Coming Clean
Author: ralphiere
Pairing: 3x4, mention of 1x2
Rating: R
Warnings: Sexual situations, language, AU, Trowa's POV
Disclaimer: Don't own them, and don't fret, none of the characters are minors.
Notes: This follows along with Slackers, Wrapped Around Your Finger, and Abduction.

GW500 Challenge #218 - Captive

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"Hold this."

I looked up in time to instinctively catch the leather jacket that was tossed to me in one hand. I draped it across my lap and watched Quatre walk towards the bushes on the far side of the parking lot. We'd been hanging out in the parking lot with a group of familiar faces, more acquaintances than friends, and waiting for the opening bands to get the fuck off the stage before going inside. Both opening bands sucked and it was way more entertaining hanging around outside drinking beer while the occasional joint was passed discretely around. From where I was sitting on the hood of my car, I could see the top of Quatre's head as he took a leak, I stroked the soft leather of his jacket mindlessly with the tips of my fingers.

"Here." I turned my attention away from Quatre and towards the person who'd nudged my leg. He had a fat joint held between his thumb and forefinger, waiting for me to take it. I just shook my head once and followed the glowing tip of the joint as it was passed in front of me to the guy standing to my right. I'd had way too much to drink to take a hit and not end up puking in the bushes, plus I was with Quatre. Despite his wild ways he wasn't into drugs and I really didn't care that much about doing them to begin with. Polishing off a bottle of tequila by doing shots off some guy's stomach was perfectly acceptable in Quatre's world, but a hit off a joint was just out of his comfort zone. Not that I was complaining really, I was just happy to be out with him.

Quatre was halfway across the parking lot when he smiled and stopped, sharing a quick one-armed hug with a guy on his way to our makeshift john. I recognized the guy, his name was Bob and he was pretty much a fixture at Baby Seals. I can't say that I knew too much about him, but the way he was whispering in Quatre's ear and angling his body I'd say that Quatre knew him a little better than I.

The surge of jealousy I felt was immediate and harsh and I pushed it away as fast as it had come. I never used to feel like this, I never used to feel jealous when I watched Quatre flirting, or kissing, or hell, even fucking other guys. We'd been friends for years and our relationship had always been open and well, wild, much like Quatre. Not only did we never care who the other was fucking, we used to get off telling each other all about other guys while we fucked each other. We did what we wanted, saw who we wanted, and even shared guys. Not that we hadn't care about each other, we had, but we'd never been into the whole monogamy thing. But now that I was sitting there, watching Quatre get his ass groped by Bob, I realized that it had always been Quatre who had never been into the whole monogamy thing.

Not wanting to see more, I focused my attention on the black leather jacket I held in my hands. The leather was smooth and supple, broken in by years of wear and who knows how much spilled booze. I knew without looking that the lining was torn under the left arm and if I held it to my nose it would smell so strongly of Quatre that I would be hard in seconds. When Quatre had bought it, man, so many years ago, he'd worn it while we'd had sex. It took no effort on my part to conjure the image of Quatre, wearing nothing but his black leather jacket and me, as we fucked like rabbits on the floor of Duo's bathroom during a house party. We hadn't locked the door and people just stepped over us to take a piss.

"What's so funny?"

I'd been so deep in thought I hadn't noticed Quatre come back. "Huh?"

"What's so funny?" Quatre asked again, moving to stand between my legs and resting his hand on my hips. "You're smiling."

So I was. "I was just thinking about your jacket. When you'd gotten it."

Quatre smirked, leaning in and whispering in my ear. "You were thinking about fucking me at Duo's, weren't you?"

"Maybe," I said with a shrug, amazed, as always, that he knew what I was thinking.

"Do you remember how we ended that night?" Quatre nipped at the side of my neck, just below my ear. We were sitting in a fucking parking lot outside of a club and he could make me forget how to think just by being near me.

"I do," I murmured, letting my eyes close as he licked down to my collarbone. I did remember that night. It had been the first time the four of us, Duo, Wufei, Quatre and I, had shared a bed together. Back then I'd thought I was the luckiest guy in the world. Not only did I have these great friends who had my back no matter what, but I was also getting laid and I would never be lonely again. Years later I knew how na•ve I'd been. I knew I could be lonely in a crowd and it sucked.

Quatre had pulled me forward so that my ass was right on the edge of the hood and had wrapped his arms around my neck. His expression was serious as he looked into my eyes and I have to admit that I wasn't used to him being so serious, it sort of freaked me out. "If you could go back and do it again, would you do it differently?"

My stomach dropped to my knees and I was stunned for a moment. How the fuck do I answer that? "Do what differently?"

"Come on, Trowa, you know what I'm talking about. That night - that first night that we all just said 'fuck it' and had sex. Would you do it again?"

Quatre's gaze was intense, and I was at a loss as to what he wanted. Did I have regrets? Fuck yeah, who didn't, but he was asking me if I'd change the last few years of my life. If he'd have asked me this question two months ago I would've laughed and said 'no way', but now ... why did he have to ask me now?

"What brought this on?" I asked, pressing my forehead against his and ignoring the calls from people as they headed into the club. I'd seen the band before and right now seemed much more important.

"You just seem off lately. Ever since Duo and Heero hooked up you just seem ... different." Quatre pulled away and looked into my eyes. I could tell he already knew the answers and it irritated me that he was asking the questions.

"What do you want me to say?" I couldn't keep the irritation from my voice, but he didn't seem the least bit surprised. "I thought you were the one who insisted we have no regrets? Why the fuck are you trying to get me to admit to mine?"

Quatre winced slightly at the harshness of my words and although I did feel bad I refused to show it. He just stared at me with his hands gripping my thighs as he kept his position between my spread legs. When he looked down at his jacket, still draped across my lap, I thought he was going to grab it and take off, go into the club and melt into the crowds. He would've done that a year ago, six months ago, two weeks ago...

"I'm a hypocrite," he said softly, his fingers digging almost painfully into my thighs. I almost thought I'd heard him wrong, but when he looked up his turmoil was stark on his face. "I said no regrets, but I regret so much."

It was my turn to stare. I almost didn't know the man standing there, yet this was the man I'd always wanted to know. Quatre had always been the wild one who'd insisted that love and sex didn't need to coexist. He had always been the one to push us to our limits, wrapped in both love and sex, yet demand his freedom. I always let him go because I'd seen what had happened to those guys that had tried to keep him confined.

"I don't understand." What else could I say?

"You've always been so fucking amazing, Trowa. You've let me do what I want, let me fuck who I've wanted, let me come and go as I please, and no matter what you always keep looking at me like that."

My stomach knotted, having no idea where this was going. I was nervous and excited all at once, yet I was also terrified. I needed him to spell it out for me, good or bad, I needed him to come clean. "Like what?"

"Like you love me more than anyone."

"Is that a bad thing?"

Quatre shook his head. "I'm so sorry."

Wait? What? Terrified was an understatement. "Sorry for what? Quatre, I don't understand what you're talking about."

"When was the last time you fucked someone when I wasn't there with you?" Quatre asked, ignoring my last question. He was searching my face for answers and making me so fucking nervous.

"I don't know," I answered, shaking my head slightly. "What does this have to do with anything?"

"Just answer my question, please? When was the last time you fucked someone when I wasn't there with you?"

I had no idea where this was going, but I'd never been one to deny him anything. "I seriously don't know. A year maybe?"

Quatre's expression grew sad when I answered, and I had no idea why. I cupped his cheek with my hand and kissed his forehead. "Why does this make you sad?"

"When were you going to tell me?" Quatre's expression went from sad to angry, and I seriously wondered if he'd taken something - his moods were never this extreme. Sure he'd been all about no drugs before, but I'd been wrong about things in the past.

"Tell you what? Quatre, what the fuck is going on with you?"

"Were you ever going to tell me? Were you ever going to tell me how you felt?"

Maybe I was slow, or had too much to drink, but I still couldn't quite figure out where Quatre was going with this. Did he want me to admit my love? Was he daring me to so he could walk away? I decided to be honest, it's not like we'd ever really lied to each other in the past. "No."

Quatre's eyes widened and he frowned. "That's it? No?"

"Exactly." He tried to pull away and I grabbed onto his arm, hooking my legs around his waist to hold him in place. "I've seen what you've done to the guys who tried to keep you, Quatre. Since I've known you, you've fought to be free and I never wanted to take that away from you."

"So you'd suffer in silence just to keep me happy?" Quatre spat out angrily, pushing at my legs to get away.

"Since when does it matter to you what I do?"

Quatre stopped struggling, glaring at me defiantly. "I want it to matter!" He scowled and lowered his gaze. "Fucking Duo, that bastard."

"Wait? What does Duo have to do with this?" I was starting to think living in silent misery was better than this confusion. "I thought you were okay with Duo being with Heero?"

"I am," Quatre muttered. "But when I see Duo look at Heero ..." He looked up at me, his expression almost petulant. "I realized that you look at me the same way and it makes me happy."

The knot in my stomach loosened and I felt lighter than I had in weeks. I couldn't help the goofy grin that spread on my face, seeing Quatre like this was just too damned cute. "Duo is a fucking bastard because he inadvertently made you realize that you liked me looking at you like I loved you?"

Quatre fought to keep the frown, but lost the battle and grinned stupidly. "When you say it like that it sounds stupid."

"Well, the whole thing is sort of stupid." I tightened my legs, bringing him closer to me. "Does it piss you off that I might love you?"

"It pisses me off that you didn't say anything," Quatre argued. "Why didn't you say anything?"

I shrugged, the answer simple. "Because I'd rather have you on your terms than not have you at all."

"Fuck that, I'm changing my terms!" Quatre grabbed the front of my t-shirt and tried to look menacing. I tried not to laugh. "Are you listening, Barton? From now on we're going to try this-" He waved his free hand around impatiently.

"Dating?" I offered, grinning. He motioned for more with his hand and it was easy to comply. "Monogamy?"

The smile that lit up Quatre's face was truly heartwarming. "You have a problem with that?"

"Not at all."

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END

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[back to abduction]