[wedding from hell] Title: Wedding from Hell [part one]
Author: ralphiere
Warning: language, AU, tweaking ages
Disclaimer: I don't own them, thank you!
Notes: A 'blow job' is an actual shot made with bailey's, amaretto, and a squirt of whipped cream. The true joy comes with doing said shot - picking it up with your mouth and knocking it back with your hands behind your back. ^_~

Thanks to bleedtoblue for looking it over, much appreciation as always!

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Resting his cheek against the steering wheel, Duo tried to will himself out of the car. He felt like death warmed over, and it took every ounce of strength he had just to get this far. His stomach rolled and he tried to breath evenly through his nose, resisting the urge to open the door and lose his stomach contents in the church parking lot, what little there was to it anyway. He swore he could smell booze seeping through his pores and tried to remember the last time he'd gotten so ridiculously drunk. Luckily the shakes had subsided before he had to come to the rehearsal, but he still felt light headed and wanted to curl up into a ball and die.

"'Bout time you showed."

The knocking on his window sounded like thunder in the confines of the car, and Duo groaned out loud while glaring at his brother from behind dark sunglasses. Rolling the window down, he slouched back in his seat and pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head revealing his bloodshot eyes. "Do you have to be so freakin' loud?"

"It's not my fault you decided to close the joint down last night," Solo laughed, patting Duo's cheek in mock sympathy. "Next time remember that moderation is your friend."

"If I remember correctly you were buying me the shots as fast as I could drink them." Duo flipped his sunglasses back over his eyes and opened the car door, pushing Solo out of the way.

"If I remember correctly," Solo added with a smirk, "you insisted Heero join you in shooting 'blow jobs'."

"Oh god, please tell me I didn't." Duo pushed himself to his feet and swung the car door shut behind him, wincing at the noise. 'Blow jobs' were the shot Duo ordered when he was flirting, and he didn't remember ordering them last night. "Please Solo, please tell me I didn't."

Solo slung his arm around his baby brother's shoulder and guided him towards the church. "Are you asking me to lie to you at church?"

Duo stopped short, and took a deep breath. "Did I do any irreparable damage?"

"To Heero? Nah, he already knew you were an idiot," Solo grinned cheerfully, slapping Duo on the back. "But if we don't get inside for the rehearsal we'll both be in trouble, Ma's starting to rant about you and that can turn ugly fast."

"You should've started without me," Duo muttered, following Solo towards the church.

"Without my best man? Not on your life."

--

It wasn't every day that one's brother got married, and Duo had wanted to make the experience memorable. Solo was six years older, yet the boys had always been close. Ever since their dad had split the scene when Duo was only five, Solo had made sure that his brother would never be lacking a positive male role model. Sure people may argue Solo's position as a positive role model, but in the end they'd both managed to stay off the streets and out of jail. It hadn't been easy for their mother to raise two boys on her own, especially boys as willful as hers, but she'd always done her best. Good times and bad, the three of them had made a damned good family.

When Solo had announced his engagement to Roxy, Duo had been happy for them. Roxy was a good shit as far as Duo was concerned, and he thought Solo deserved someone to treat him right and keep him in line. Later that night when Solo had shared a beer with him on the deck and asked Duo to be his best man, Duo was actually a bit surprised. He'd expected to be in the wedding, sure, but he'd assumed Solo would ask Heero to do the honors. Not only had the two been friends since before Duo was born, but they'd kept close despite Heero moving across the country for college and deciding to stay there. Regardless, Duo had been pleased to be best man, and took his job seriously - he intended to throw Solo the best bachelor party ever.

As the wedding plans started to solidify, Duo was surprised at what an affair it was turning out to be. Roxy had never been a woman to do things half way, so the fact that she chose five bridesmaids plus a maid of honor not only led to a large wedding party, but also gave Duo license for a more intense bachelor party. He'd dipped into his savings and planned a limo, dinner, a comedy club, and some bar hopping to round out the night. It all pretty much went off without a hitch ... well, except for the fact that he was currently walking into the church feeling like a beer truck had hit him.

"This is Heero's fault anyway," Duo grumbled, walking into the entryway and dipping his fingers into holy water before making the sign of the cross and starting down the aisle.

"How is this Heero's fault exactly?" Solo followed suit, matching Duo's slow pace as they walked down the aisle towards the other members of the wedding party and the priest, who was starting to look impatient. "He forced you to drink so much you passed out on him?"

"Don't tell me I passed out on him," Duo whispered the plea, feeling even more lightheaded.

"Alright, I won't tell you that you tried to kiss him either." Solo patted Duo on the back and headed towards the altar, leaving a chuckle in his wake.

Duo glared at his brother's back, resisting the urge to turn and run, and forced himself to join the others. There's no way I tried to kiss Heero last night, Solo's just fucking with me. "Sorry I'm late, car trouble."

"Car trouble, my ass." Mrs. Maxwell shot a look at her son before turning to the priest. "Sorry Father." The woman didn't appear the least bit contrite as she narrowed her eyes and plucked Duo's sunglasses off his face. "It should be you apologizing to Father Fitzpatrick, Duo."

"I'm not the one who just swore in church, Ma." Duo grinned, the grin turning sheepish when he faced the priest. "I'm sorry for being late Father, I hope I didn't hold you up too long."

"It's fine, Duo, as long as you don't intend to hold us up further." Father Fitzpatrick raised an eyebrow. "Now why don't I do a quick description of the ceremony before we do a walk through."

Duo half listened to the priest as he stared at his shoes and frantically tried to remember the night before. They'd literally picked Heero up at the airport in the limo because his flight had been delayed and they didn't want to start without him. Duo had planned the bachelor party the night before the rehearsal to make sure that Heero could go - he was Solo's best friend after all and needed to be there. It had been years since Duo had seen Heero in person, and it was almost hard to remember that this was the same person who had duct taped him to the tree in the backyard and pelted him with water balloons. Although still handsome as the devil, Heero had matured.

After Solo had tossed Heero's luggage into the trunk and Duo handed him a beer, it was easy to fall back into things like no time had passed. Duo remembered going to that great Italian place on the Hill after the airport and having a couple glasses of red wine with some amazing chicken marsala. He'd asked Heero about California and teased him about babes on the beach, the conversation becoming easier as the drinks flowed. Then they'd all piled back into the limo and trekked into the city to hit the comedy club. There had been a few six packs in the limo, but Duo didn't think he'd had more than three beers. The comedy club was where things started to get fuzzy. They'd all done some shots before the show started, and if he remembered correctly there had been quite a few empty pitchers on the table when they left. He remembered the first bar ...

"-to me, Duo?"

"Huh?" Duo asked, lifting his gaze off the floor and realizing he was totally lost as to what was going on. "I'm sorry, what were you saying, Father?"

"I was saying that you'd give Solo the rings now, Duo."

"Yeah, the rings ... got it." Duo could feel the blush of embarrassment creep up his cheeks as he saw Heero smirking at him. He frowned in return, trying to focus on the present and not on obsessing about the stupid things he must've done last night.

By the fifth time down the aisle Duo was ready to give Solo every cent he had if only the two of them would elope. Did it really need to be this complicated? Walk down the aisle, get hitched, and then party. This wasn't rocket science, it was a freakin' wedding. By the time he was standing at the podium doing a test run of his reading, it was getting harder and harder to not notice the way Heero kept looking at him with an amused look on his face. He really wanted to get out of here so he could beat some information out of Solo about the missing pieces of last night. He glared at the maid of honor when she'd asked for the tenth time when she should straighten out Roxy's train and where she should place the bouquet, and realized he must've said something out loud when his mother smacked him in the back of the head.

"Solo's only getting married once, God willing, and you will behave yourself."

"Jeez, Ma, I am!" Duo turned to look at his mother, who was getting ready to smack him again. "Does this really need to be so complicated?"

"It's not complicated. It's going to be a beautiful ceremony." Her expression softened as she brushed his bangs out of Duo's eyes. "You can have a simpler ceremony when you get married."

"I'm not getting married, Ma." Duo smiled and kissed her cheek, trying to hide the twinge of sadness he felt. "Solo's your chance for the big shindig, I'm happy being a bachelor."

"Some day you'll find a nice girl like Roxy and settle down." Sorry Ma, a nice girl isn't on the agenda.

"You think Roxy's a nice girl?" Duo snorted, stepping out of his mother's striking distance. Roxy looked at him and rolled her eyes before grinning and shaking her head. "Hear that, Roxy, she thinks you're a nice girl."

Father Fitzpatrick cleared his throat in obvious exasperation. The Maxwell boys had done their share of giving the old priest a few grey hairs and it was obvious he didn't want this getting out of hand. "If everyone is clear on tomorrow, then we're done for tonight." He shot Duo a stern look, "And please try to be on time."

"Yes, Father." Duo smiled, slipped on his sunglasses and turned to leave the church with a wave over his shoulder. He really could use some fresh air and wanted to sit down before he fell down. He still had to survive the rehearsal dinner, but that wouldn't be an all night event seeing everyone would want to be fresh for the wedding in the morning. They were going to a Chinese place for dinner, and the thought of eating made Duo feel green - he just wanted to go home.

He was the first to the parking lot, and he started his car, content to just sat there with his eyes closed thinking. The day before his brother's wedding wasn't time for a pity party, but Duo cringed remembering his mother's hopeful expression over Duo getting married in the magical future. The woman was Catholic, extremely Catholic, and Duo had pretty much decided to never tell her about his preferences, even if he had to live a lie in front of her for the rest of his life. She'd known so much pain in her life as it was, and he'd be the last one to ever tell her he was gay - it would kill her. Of course sometimes he wondered how long he could keep up the ruse, Solo and pretty much everyone else knew he was gay, and they all accepted him the way he was. It made him feel guilty to lie to her, but he didn't know what else he could do.

"Can I get a lift with you?" Duo jumped when Heero spoke through his open window. "Solo picked me up from the hotel, but I think he and Roxy want to be alone."

Duo had been so wrapped up in thoughts about breaking his mother's heart that he'd totally forgotten about beating information out of Solo. Please let Solo be trying to get a rise out of me. "Sure, hop in."

"How're you feeling?"

This caught Duo off guard, not so much the phrasing, but the concerned tone to Heero's voice. He expected to be teased mercilessly over his bachelor party escapades, he didn't expect Heero to care that he felt like he was dying. "Better than when I woke up." Which wasn't a lie. "I guess I got a little too carried away last night ... big brother getting married and all that."

"I think a lot of us got a little too carried away last night," Heero added with a small grin. "I can honestly say I've felt better."

Duo was at a loss for what to say next. He could barely remember the night before, although glimpses of it were starting to come back to him. Karaoke at Timothy's, and announcing to everyone at The Edge that his brother was one lucky bastard if you were interested in the whole pussy thing ... suddenly it dawned on him why his jaw ached this morning, Solo had actually belted him for that one. Man he felt like a dick.

"Listen, Heero, I'm not usually like that ... " He saw the cars starting to roll out of the church parking lot and followed suit towards the restaurant. "I mean, I know you always thought that I was a spaz, but I'm really a pretty nice guy."

Heero laughed, watching the houses pass by as they drove through the residential area surrounding the church. "You were a spaz, but I know you're a nice guy Duo. I have to admit that it freaked me out a little when I saw you at the airport - I half expected you to show me your new baseball cards instead of offering me a beer. I've missed a lot being away."

Glancing sideways at Heero, Duo smiled. "You haven't missed anything exciting. Really."

Heero was still staring out the window, and Duo took this opportunity to sneak a peak at the man in the passenger seat. Growing up he'd always had a crush of sorts on Heero, but it had always been based more in the 'hero worship' category than it had in the 'lusting after' category. Back then he'd been a scrawny kid who's mouth always got him into so much trouble that he'd pretty much learned to just keep to himself. He had friends, sure, but he always managed to spend more time tagging along with Solo and Heero than kids his own age. God I must've been annoying. Here and there over the last few years he'd talked to Heero on the phone when he'd called for Solo, and he'd kept the same mental image of the guy in his head as he looked the day he'd left. Looking at Heero now, Duo realized that he'd missed a lot too, and noticing was the last thing he needed right now. Please let Solo be pulling my leg.

"I've missed more than I intended." Turning away from the window Heero raised an eyebrow when he caught Duo looking. "Solo said you have one more year until you graduate from college. I have to admit I never pegged you as the teaching type."

Slowing at the red light, Duo watched the cars he was following disappear in the distance. "What did you peg me as?"

"I was thinking art. You were always doodling and it was pretty good stuff. Solo told me about the mural you painted at the Boys and Girls Club - he said it was amazing."

"Art doesn't pay the bills," Duo said automatically, hearing the voice of his mother ringing through his head. He shrugged, putting his foot on the gas pedal and moving forward. "I like kids, figure I can always doodle on the side."

They rode the rest of the way to the restaurant in silence, and Duo kicked himself for killing the conversation with his personal baggage. He kept telling himself that there would always be time for art when he wasn't trying to support himself. He tried not to think about it too much, it was just too depressing.

Pulling into a parking space he put the car in park and forced a smile. "I'm glad you came, it means a lot to Solo."

"It means a lot to me too," Heero said seriously before getting out of Duo's car and closing the door behind him. He didn't wait for Duo to head towards the others, and Duo was glad for it. He was feeling pretty surreal right about now, and needed a moment to regroup. It was so hard to gauge Heero, it always had been, and they'd both changed so much since Heero moved away. The more he thought about it the more confident he felt that his brother's best friend wasn't weirded out by him. Solo must be fucking with me.

He made it to the others just as they were heading inside, and he kept his sunglasses firmly in place despite the death glare from his mother. He still felt like crap, and had no desire to unveil himself yet - he felt like a loser enough as it was. Duo followed along, waiting to see where they were being seated before excusing himself and going to the men's room. His stomach had stopped rolling at some point, but his headache wasn't subsiding no matter how much ibuprofen he'd ingested. He was willing himself to be better before morning or his mother was going to have his hide. On top of her wrath having a two day hangover was never fun.

He was just washing his hands when the door opened and Solo walked in with a shit-eating grin on his face. "Hiding in the bathroom?"

"No, I was taking a piss, is there a problem with that?" Duo flicked water from his hands at his brother before reaching for a paper towel. "Is Ma still mad at me?"

"Yeah, but she'll get over it." Solo stood at the urinal, talking over his shoulder at Duo. "So, how was the ride over?"

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Duo crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, waiting for his brother to finish zipping up and wash his hands. "Your plan backfired, by the way - I know you're lying about me hitting on Heero last night."

"I'm not lying." Solo snickered, shaking his head. "You were all over him."

"Shut the fuck up, Solo, I was not!" Duo glared over his sunglasses. "He was perfectly normal to me in the car, there's no way I'd done the things you said and have him actually want to ride with me."

"I guess Heero has tact, because you did that and more." Solo held the door closed when Duo tried to open it. "I'm not yanking your chain, kid. You were both pretty sloshed last night, so maybe Heero doesn't remember it all either, but you were flirting big time, and you did try to kiss him."

"What exactly do you mean by try?" Duo blanched slightly, rubbing his sore jaw. "I thought I remember you hitting me in the face ... was it Heero?"

"Nah, I slugged you good for disrespecting my girl." Solo smirked, and punched Duo playfully in the arm. "What I mean is, you tried to kiss him but ended up falling over a chair and knocking over a table. From my viewpoint it looked like Heero was a little disappointed in your lack of grace."

"Really?" Duo slid off his sunglass and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands. "Why are you telling me this with such joy? Is Heero even gay?"

"I have no idea." Solo shrugged before eyeing his reflection and running his fingers through his hair. "He's always been very private about his sex life, even with me, but I know he's not seeing anyone. Maybe he could just use a friend, but then again so could you."

"Thanks Solo, you're a real pal," Duo said sarcastically as he opened the door and started out. Before he made it two steps away he turned to look at his brother. "But let's just say he was gay, you wouldn't have a problem with me trying to hook up with him?"

"Why would I have a problem with that?" Solo put the flat of his hand against the door and pushed it wide. "Frankly if I got to pick, I'd make sure you only dated guys like Heero - half the guys you introduce me to are real douche bags."

"That's because I just date guys who remind me of you." Duo smirked, walking towards their table.

"You're a sick fuck, you know that?" Solo laughed, catching up with Duo and slinging an arm around his shoulder. Duo joined his laughter when he saw the look their mother gave them; this whole wedding thing was going to be fun after all.

Their party was seated at two long tables in the back of the restaurant. After Solo took his place next to Roxy, the only empty seat was directly across from Heero and Duo pulled out the chair with a slight hesitation. Trying to suck it up, Duo took off his sunglasses and tossed them next to his plate as he sat down.

"Hair of the dog." Frank, Roxy's older brother, set a beer in front of Duo and motioned for him to take it. "At this point it's for medicinal purposes, man." He grinned and waited for Duo to dutifully take a swallow. "After seeing you in action we need to hang out more often."

Duo laughed. Frank was at least fifteen years older, and married with three kids. "I'm honored that you want to be seen in public with me again." Duo looked at the beer for a moment before lifting it to his lips and draining half of it. Setting the bottle down he looked at Heero sitting across from him and tried with all his might not to look self-conscious. He was in trouble.

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